Give Up

It's been 3 days since I post my blog. I know I promise to write everyday. But it looks like I have to be real. Haha....I don't think I have the energy to write everyday. With 3 kids to take care of. It's just too ambitious. Plus my husband been working on a project for the last couple days and using the laptop. My laptop is still under repairment, since it crashed couple months ago. I hope I can get it back soon, so we don't have to fight to use the computer.

Yesterday, I finally finished my book. I feel blessed with that book. "Brave heart" written by Sharon really encourage me to love people extravagantly. In the last chapter she was talking about letting go our hopes and let God working in our lives freely. I know I have a big expectation and hopes towards my husband and kids. Specially my oldest son. I know he is capable in a lot of way, but sometimes I just forgot that he is only (almost) 7 years old, sometimes he is still think like a child. I just have to let God work in him. Building up our relationship. The same thing with my husband. Yes I do have expectation towards him, but I can't push it anymore. If I want him to change, then I am the one that have to do it first. It's not easy, but I believe that God will give me wisdom and strength to do it.

Today I am starting the journey of Love Dare. I can imagine my days would be really hard. I will struggle a lot, but this time I put my hopes in Him. I want Him to restore me in the way He wants. I feel like this year I will have to go through a lot of process. Well, God never promise it will be easy to follow Him, so....I was agreed to take that risk and here I am doing His command.

I hope my friends will support and pray hard for me. ;p Without their guidance and support, it will be hard.

Time to sleep. After listening to President's speech ... ;p

Love is patient ... !

Breakfast at the Dutch Market

Finally, after so many times trying to have breakfast over the weekend, we finally made it. We went to the Dutch Market to have a nice, home made breakfast. The Pancake, toast, home fries and ham were delicious. We really enjoy it.

Today Daniella made me so proud of her. She finally said Please? hahaha..... that is the cutest. We all cheered for her. She was so proud of herself too...she laughed a lot. I figured earlier that when I praise them a lot, they made tremendous progress in a lot of things. Specially for Nicole....I have to keep motivate her to do things. It is funny to see both girls, when they are not sure to do a new thing, they will look to each other and see what happened if they try it. If Daniella not sure if she will like something to eat, she will look at Nicole to see if she is eating it too. That is just too cute. I feel like they trust each other. hahaha.... I enjoy seeing them do that.

Nicole will turn 3 in two months. I still can't believe it. She is growing too fast. We still debating whether we are going to put her in a toddler bed or not. I still can't really trust her yet, although now she is climbing her crib. Sometimes I found out a lot of toys or books a night before at Daniella's crib and it will be at her crib in the morning. So I wonder she actually climbed out and got in to Daniella's crib and went back to hers. Crazy girl!!

Watching them growing make me want to stay at home again and homeschool them. I figure it will be awesome to be able to homeschool the three of them. As from now I am trying to look at different kind of options. Hoping I can just stay at home and teach them. Pray hard for it.

Anyway, I better go to bed and enjoy my TV....

Nighty night...

Weekend is coming

For the past couple weeks...I've been thinking a lot about extravagant love. Sometimes I feel like I get it, but sometimes I am just loosing it. It is so hard to do it. Sometimes I get confuse. This evening I was thinking to make a group of women to learn about extravagant love. Hoping that we can encourage each other so we don't keep falling and keep spreading our loves to people surround us. I wish doing it is so easy.

It's not only takes time. But draining all the energy, emotion and time too. I think once it's become your lifestyle, it will be easier, because it is part of you, meaning you are a new person now. Well, it looks like long way to go... but I guess I have to keep have the courage to do it.

I can't be happier than tomorrow is Saturday. We are planning to go to Dutch Market for breakfast. I will be fun. I love going out for breakfast on weekends. It is nice. I guess get up in the morning is part of me now.

I hope you all have a great weekend.
Take good care....

Unthinkable

I spent most of my day reading story about Scott Brown, a new US senate for Massachusetts. It was an amazing race. An unpredictable victory. I read all the comments from all the different media. They uses different kind of term to express themselves from being shock for his victory. One word that I like the most is 'unthinkable'. The dictionary define the unthinkable word as : not capable of being grasp by the mind ; and the second one is being contrary with what is reasonable, desire or probable; being out of question.
Yes his victory is definitely an unthinkable. It changes a lot of things. Not just for the 'seat's for people', but it will changes the whole country. For years Massachusetts can't never be able to have a Republican senate, but Scott Brown made his name carved everywhere. He made it for the first time after about more than one decade.

Somehow I thought we are like that. We easily underestimate what God can do for us. We just want something that predictable. We want something that we can easily guess where things will go. But we never expect something big and different would happen in our lives. Well, this is may be something beyond his mind too. Because looking at his speech and his reaction how excited he will be going to Washington DC. It was unthinkable. He might change US. Let's hope for the best.

Last night as I am thinking about all the politicians that had to admit their adultery, it's very sad. We should started to pray for our leader. Specially a good one. The one that still fight with their conscience. Pray for their family in specific, so that they can keep their faithfulness to their wives.

God bless every leader...!!

Excitement of being parents

Tonight we were visiting our friend that just had a baby. They just came home on Sunday. This is their first baby. I can totally see the excitement on their face. The excitement become parents. It is an un-explainable feelings. I kinda recalled my first feeling when I had my first. I mean, even when I had my second and third, I still have that excitement. Although I am tired from the sleepless nights, I still wanted to hold my baby and enjoy it. It is so precious. The 9 months of pregnancy paid off, when I saw my babies.

Being a parent is not something we've been taught at school or any education institution. It is a learning process through our lives that we will pass it on from generation to generation. I feel like I still have a long road ahead of me. Going through all the traffic road, long and windy road, and road with hills. It is not going to be an easy one.

When the first time I have to deal with my son to go through his infancy and toddler hood stage, it was hard. It was our first, of course we were clueless about a lot of things, but we prayed that God will give us wisdom how to handle him. We learn through books, shared with friends, etc. We managed to get out from that stages pretty well. It hasn't stop there yet. We still have another 2 to go. Now I have 2 toddlers to deal with. Nicole is not a terrible one, but of course she has her own characters and way to do things, same with Daniella too. Jeremy now need more attention since he is at school a lot.

Every day, on the train I am thinking how in the world can I manage to share my time between work, husband and three kids? God isn't it impossible. Every time I got home, I barely alive. ;p But I have to be alive for them. Play with them, listen to their stories, bathe them, read for them, and all the possibility things you can do for them, yet it's never enough. I notice when my son doesn't get enough attention at home, he will starting acting out at school. He will come home with "yellow" sign for his report of the day. Every morning we try to warn him, stay on green please. Even Nicole remember to warn him, that is how often we say it. Haha....she is a little mom.

I still feel like I am still lucky because at least I was able to spend a pretty good amount of years within my children's life. The investment that I made, makes me know my children really well. I know what they need, how to talk to them, what is their battles, I can assure you that I know what they would and wouldn't do. Specially Jeremy. I thank God for that. It makes me keep making an effort to be care to my children. We try to set dates with our children. I did dates with Jeremy alone and occasionally with Nicole.

A lot of people take the parenthood for granted, they have no idea how precious and valuable it is to be parents. I have a friend in Australia that shared the same value with me. For us our children are very important. She is a first time mom also, but she just awesome. Her goal is to raise a Godly and honor children. I know it wasn't easy for her, but she did manage to do it. Her humbleness to learn make the blessing keep pouring upon her. She also pray everyday asking for wisdom isn't it amazing?. Not just that, she did all of that, with no maids, sitters and she even work. She have the choice to live comfortably if she wants, but she put her family first. That makes her a noble woman. Just like woman in Proverbs 31. I really admire her extraordinary love for her family.

On the other hand, I heard a lot of story how spoil some of the parents are. They can get all the help as they wanted. Sitters, maids, families, and friends, but they just wasting it. They abandon the relationship with their children. The value being parents become a cultural and 'a must to do' thing. As long as the children get fed well, get nice birthday party, get the newest toys, or nice clothes, they are well raise and they are a success parents. How sad it is, knowing the fact that their children are actually a human being with feelings, emotion needs, and have character within them that needs to be develop.

When we have ridiculous story to tell between us, we will scream and sometimes speechless. We heard some moms actually proud how good is their sitter managing their children. It drive us nuts. Since we know what is our principle.

Don't get me wrong. Not that I never enjoy that luxury living. I used to have sitter and maid when I only have my son. But I was able to set up a boundaries between my sitter and me. Whenever I get home, she rest and my son is all mine. I fed him, bathe him,and read for him. When we are on vacation, I put my sitter on vacation too. I will never take them with me. I even let them go to the mall every other week. So we can have quality time together, just the 3 of us. Every hour I called from work just to make sure she is following the schedule that I gave it to her. The meanest part is.... I fired them, once they made a mistake, well, I tolerate it 2 mistakes. First reason is I think they are being disrespect with my rules, second of all because I don't want my son get to attached with the caregiver. I remember one time I have to go out of town, I didn't have any sitter at that time, my husband finally took care of my son by himself. Guess what? It was do able. And I was so proud of him. We weren't depend on the sitter. All we need to do is sacrifice ourselves and not being lazy.

I wish parents more aware about their future, not just academic future, but their character and how they will turn out become a person. That is what important.

Parents please think about your vision for your family. Then you can come down with what kind of family you want to have?

Good night everyone.

Tired Day

I guess I lost count the day. For some reason I thought my last entry was on Sunday. Which I thought I only skip a day. But I was wrong. I had a really long day. Sunday I was doing errand, ... groceries shopping mostly. I had fun with Nicole. I always try to take her a long with me when I do my shopping. Beside I get to spend time with her, I can actually teach her a lot of things while going out with her. And the last thing I hate to do is ... Cooking. But I was able to manage myself cooking for the whole week menu. I know... it's a lot.

Nicole said a lot of funny thing. That precious talked, I will not forget it. As soon as we get in to the car, she said, Mommy I want to read the music. Made my laughed, I said, Mommy I want to listen to music. Then on the way home, I guess I put the heater to high, her comment was ... Mommy I can smell hot. I was confused at first with what she meant, but then I realized she meant she is hot. That is so cute. I love the stage where they are trying to put words together, sometimes they use it in the wrong situation or wrong meaning. But they are learning. Just like I am still learning English.

The past two days just crazy. I don't have the energy to write. I made a commitment to come home earlier , so I get to spend my time with my husband and kids. I just want to enjoy them. Time is precious, without you realized it will fly away.

Anyway, I have nothing much to talk today. Even if I have, I hardly can survive now, I just took 3 pills of Advil for my back pain. It looks like knock me out now. So I better go to sleep.

Will post more tomorrow. Have a great night.

A little relaxing weekend

After very tense week, I went out of town with a friend. We stay overnight in a hotel. I felt really good. It was very relaxing. We talked all night, shared stories and our hearts. We end the gate away with shopping at the outlet. We went to Arundel Mills Outlet in Hanover, we had lunch and the best part of it, we were able to control ourselves. It wasn't compulsive shopping, we got what we need with really good bargain. So we were happy about it.

Now I try to make strategies to prevent sickness in the house. LOL ... not fun at all. The easiest step will be wash hands as often as we could. Specially if we just coming back from outside. Suddenly I fell like Monk! ( If you know that TV series called Monk, the OCD's detective). Also the food that she is going to eat. It get me thinking too, since Jeremy and Nicole going to have their birthday soon, I will want them to check their blood.

Well, the bottom line is ... our life is getting back to normal, although we keep in our mind that one day a chaos will happen and we wanted to be on standby mode. This is exactly what the bible tell us, to be alert, because we don't know when God will be coming. I feel like He use this situation to kinda picture it out.

It's 930pm, I wanted to be in bed with my husband and watch a movie. So, I better stop now and will write again tomorrow.

Enjoy your weekend!

Neutropenia

This is exactly what the doctor told us. This is what Daniella have right now. I put some of simple explanation by Wikipedia. I think it is easy to understand.
Neutropenia - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia: "Neutropenia (adjective neutropenic), from Latin prefix neutro- and Greek suffix -πενία (deficiency) is a hematological disorder characterized by an abnormally low number of neutrophils, the most important type of white blood cell, in the blood. Neutrophils usually make up 50-70% of circulating white blood cells and serve as the primary defense against infections by destroying bacteria in the blood. Hence, patients with neutropenia are more susceptible to bacterial infections and, without prompt medical attention, the condition may become life-threatening (neutropenic sepsis).
Neutropenia can be acute or chronic depending on the duration of the illness. A patient has chronic neutropenia if the condition lasts for longer than 3 months. It is sometimes used interchangeably with the term leukopenia ('deficit in the number of white blood cells'), as neutrophils are the most abundant leukocytes, but neutropenia is more properly considered a subset of leukopenia as a whole.
There are numerous causes of neutropenia that can roughly be divided between either problems in the production of the cells by the bone marrow and destruction of the cells elsewhere in the body. Treatment depends on the nature of the cause, and emphasis is placed on the prevention and treatment of infection."

On the other hand we are a little relief that Daniella's condition is not that bad yet. Although, the doctor confirm that she has that disordered because he test her blood again today to make sure it's right. I like the doctor. I love him very much and looks like he is someone that I would let treating my daughter. He looks like he is in his mid age to get ready to retired, but still very diligent, wise,patience and very observant. We were very satisfied with his observation and suggestions.

He said if he met Daniella in different condition, he would suggest different direction, but since he met Daniella in happy and healthy condition, he is totally suggesting another way. For now there is nothing we can do about it. We just have to wait for her progress. Since she can't fight the infection by herself, we have to be very cautious when she get fever, we have to admit her to the hospital. That alone is very scary, it's like something big and yes it is a big deal for her. We can no longer put her on tylenol or motrin and wait until 3 days. She will going to need immediate medical attention. Also, when she has cold after 2 courses of antibiotics she doesn't get well, we need to take her to her specialist to shot her and help her killing the bacteria. It breaks my heart. I just really don't think I am ready for this. This afternoon when the doctor try to draw her blood, it looks like she knew what is going to happen. She didn't cry when the nurse try to find her vein to poke the needle in. Poor girl. She suddenly get use to it and many more will come. I can't imagine it. This is finally answering my question too about how it takes her forever to recover from a cold. As the matter fact, everytime she has fever, motrin and tylenol won't help too much. It only help for the 1-2 hours for her. Also the fact that she get sick easily and need more antibiotics for her cold. Now we understand more about her body.

I think God has purposed in this situation. Although I don't know exactly what, but I'm sure that this will put my family hold our hands tighter together to face whatever in front of us. As her parents we definitely start to get down to our knees and pray for our children. Also it is an exercise for us to put our faith more in Him, the one that holds our future. Think about it, sometimes we take it for granted to have kids. We have kids but we forget that we are not just feeding them food but also nourish them, spend time with them, talk to them, raise them well, and so many things to do with them. Not knowing how long our children will live, make us preserved the moment as much as we could.

Please continue to pray for the miracle and also hopefully she doesn't have to go through scary moment in her life. Although, I can't guarantee that she will not get sick forever (it will be the ideal!) but at least she can minimize it. I hope for our friends not to get offended if we will get really strict about not getting close to sick kids or not to have people to come over with common cold. It's kinda overreacting, but we just never know what could happen. I think the most stressful part would be if she needs to go to the hospital, we still have another 2 children that need to be taking care. We don't have family that we can call anytime. That is what really scares me. Pray for that too.

It will looks like living in the bubble. But I still let her play in the playground, although my heart sank when I think of a lot of things for the consequences. Again I want to let her enjoy her childhood. Today we have a warmer day, I let her play in the playground and she really enjoy it. We thank God that she survive the first year of her life without we realized it. God had been protecting her and He will be. All the glory and praises just for Him. She belongs to Him.

Thanks for all the prayers and concern. God bless you .... !!

Emotion

I skip a day of my blog last night. I just couldn't help myself to write yesterday. The whole day was really energy draining. I came to the office at 7am yesterday. Around 9am, the doctor called me and told me Daniella's lab result. It was heartbreaking to me. The fact that her lab test still the same like the first one, really hit me. Suddenly, I just want to run home and do nothing. As the doctor referred a Hematology & Oncology specialist, I tried to call and make an appointment. The doctor is not available until the next 2 weeks. And her doctor told me it is too long to wait, knowing her blood work result is really need immediate attention. So I search all the docs in my county, I hardly can find one. So I called her doctor back and she referred us to Children hospital. I called the hospital and thank God they can give us an appointment this Friday. I just realized that, there are only 2 docs in the county that specialized in Pediatric Hematology and Oncology. Crazy....! But knowing that she can get the appointment soon. It is a big relief.

Daniella had been a pretty challenging baby, since she was born. She wasn't coping with a lot of things well. She also been sick a lot since she was born. Unlike Jeremy or Nicole, they are more tough in fighting the illness. For the past month, the doc have to give her antibiotic for 20 days in a row, because she just keep getting sick and wouldn't heal well. We never suspicious about it. It is all start from her first year old check up. As usual we did blood count and some extra test because she wasn't gained a lot of weight, knowing she eats and sleeps well. The doctor just wanted to rule out some of the suspicious matter. Want to make sure that she is actually normal. But it turn out that her blood work is all over chart. I am personally never see that kind of test result before.

I think after I searched and try to find out about her diseases, I was able to calm myself down a little bit. At least I can put my mind in rest until tomorrow. Although, I am not lying that I am a bit nervous if she get sick. Because she can't have any fever right now, at least not until we find out how to treat her. I can only pray for her. She is the sweetest thing ever. Smart and lovable.

I will update what is going on tomorrow. Hope everything will turn out well.
Thanks for all the prayers and support. I really appreciate it. God bless...

Bad Mood

This morning I took Daniella to the lab to draw her blood. It was cute when Nicole decided to watch her. I was afraid that she will get nervous when she sees Daniella cry. But she said no mommy, I want to see Lila. Daniella was calm knowing her sister was there. It's funny, because the first time when it was only the two of us, she was freak out and cry right away as soon as she sees the chair. This time was different. For some reason, Nicole was entertained her well. Nicole said to her "It's ok lila, you will be ok, you are going to get sticker". She smiled at her, and Daniella smiled and talk back to her ( I don't know what she said!). Not until the nurse poke her arm, she cried, she called me...Mama..., but her cried wasn't too long. She was happy again.

It was so cute to see how they can comfort each other and love each other. I know I am kinda brain washed my kids. I told them so often, that they have to love, care and stick together as siblings. Nicole and Jeremy always care and think of each other when they are not together. I do hope it will continue until they grown up.

I have a mood swing today. I feel like my emotion got mixed up together. All the happy, excited, sad, nervous feeling get mixed up. So many random things happened at once today. I just don't know how to sort it out. But the most upset thing that happened was when I got home. This thing had been going on for several years now, but till today, haven't been solved yet. Very disappointing and annoying. I wish this get solved soon and I don't want to face it again. Sometimes people just need to learn about boundaries.

Tonight I have to sleep early I have to get up super early tomorrow. Hope things are getting better tomorrow. O...I think I haven't finish talking about my resolution. Hahaha....
Get distracted over the past days. I will get back on that hopefully tomorrow. ;p

Nighty nighty....

His Joke

I am so happy today because when I tried one of my old jeans, it fit me! I feel like I wanted to run and scream around my apartment complex. LOL.... It is almost 3 years, all the size 2 jeans being kept in the boxes. I am dying to wear them. Finally the day has come. I should celebrate it !

For those who read my blog, please pray for my big day tomorrow. I think God has a big sense of humor towards me. Daniella had a blood test last week and the result wasn't good at all. To be honest, I never see that kind of result before. Too scary for 13 months old cutie. ;p It looks like God just want to play peek a boo with me. Tomorrow I am going to take her back to the lab and re-do the test. I really hope the second test will improve a lot. Only God knows what is going on with her body. After giving me all this emotion...I hope God will say, I got you! ;p

Tonight is the first night we are going back to our positive routine. Hahaha....yeah...there are bad routines that formed without you realize. We agree to turn off the TV at least for an hour and actually talk and do devotion. It is now our number one priority and not negotiable. It is fun actually that we got to talk and share things that happened all day.

Well, I need to go to bed and get myself ready for tomorrow. Hope God will end His joke. ;p I love you Jesus.... just like my three little angels do love you.

Good nite...

Busyness

Ok...I'm not breaking my promise by skipping writing my blog for the past 2 days. I was out of town for the weekend with my husband. It was a great trip. We went down to Lynchburg to meet our friends and also to refresh our mind and relationship.

Living with 3 kids, hectic work schedule, and maintain the house is not easy and very restless. It's like working 24/7 non stop. We feel like we starting to become roommate, a roommate that shared everything. Share kids, bills, house, .... you name it...LOL... Well, it's not funny. ;p

It was kinda weird going places without the kids. This morning when we went to the church...We usually have to get up at least 2 hours before and still have to rush to the church. This morning, it only took us 30 mins to get ready and I feel like for the first time, we entered the church before they start and we actually can prepare ourselves before it start. Super nice....

One thing that I realized, we are very easy to get trap in our busyness world. If you feed them, its just never stop. You just always busy and busy all the time. It's like your core life...BUSY! and you started to have your comfort in that busyness. I know I don't want to take my relationship with my husband for granted. I dream to spend the rest of my life with him and have the adventure of my life with him. SO I will not let my busyness world let go all that dream. We have to started to investing our time, emotion, energy and just about anything to each other. I don't want end up to be a stranger one day.

Coming back from the 2 days trip, we talked about a lot of things ... It feels good. Being refresh in our marriage just make everything much easier, we can plan for our future better --- although God is in control ---, we still need to plan for our family. I have something to look forward. We will become a better spouse to each other and to God. We starting to lay down some serious things, some core value in our marriage that will hold our marriage stronger, make some commitment and stick to it.

So, I am not backing off, just rest for a little bit. I will come back again tomorrow!

Hope you all have a great week.

The best investment in life is when you invest in your marriage and children.

Bullies

Today we had New Year Party at our office. It was fun and very relaxing. Of course with plenty of yummy food. Some of them are actually cooked in the office. Hahaha.... too wild ;p

Anyway, I found out today my youngest cutie girl actually walk all day. I am so excited for her, she finally can wonder around the house, walking! Yey..... Gosh they are growing too fast !!

This morning when I wake up, I received a group email from my son's class. One of the parent mention about a topic that had been brought up in a radio, pointing specifically to our kids school. She is kinda worry about it. She want to make sure that every kids are able to report any kind of bullying at school. I talked to my son often, if someone bullying him, he must tell us or the teacher. We have to solve the problem if that is happening.

As I look at in the dictionary what the word "bullies" means, here what I got : A person who is habitually cruel or overbearing, especially to smaller or weaker people. I've been thinking all day, that this is actually not just happening at school. It is happening everywhere, without we realize, we as an adult probably have different term of it. If you think about it, don't you sometime feel left out in certain group of people?

In workplace this is easy to find. We easily get caught with the situation of bullying someone without realizing it. Start with gossiping, judging, eliminate them and killing their characters. That is probably the worst. In adult stage we probably will not use psychical to bully someone, but we use words. When was the last time you actually honestly praising your co worker or friends? When was the last time you can remember, you are in the middle of conversation, then someone came, then you stop right away. Or you share your life loudly, but when someone that heard your story commented on your story and you weren't happy about it, because the story meant for someone else. Isn't it categorize as bullying too? because whether you realize it or not, it become a pattern of your character and a habit that happen over and over again.

Becareful with your bullying life. I am trying to think about myself too, hoping I dont have that habit in my life. Let's don't bring Middle School in adult life. As God command us to be kind to each other.

Angry

Today I came home early, I was so tired and sleepy, didn't get much sleep last night. I only slept for 4 hours and had a long day. Beside, I missed my girls and my boy. I wanted to spend my time with them. As I preparing dinner, I saw Nicole go back and forward to the kitchen. She make sure she got spoon and fork and drink. As I watch her, I am amazed how she is already grown up to be a little girl. she is not a toddler anymore. She is very independent. She can do almost everything by herself. The most impressive thing for me is she can clean up very well. I always nervous about her. I always asked God if she will be turn out ok and I feel guilty leaving her for work. But God is good. He hears my prayers to my kids. I try not to worry too much.

Lately I feel like my patience is being tested. Specially towards the kids. I get annoyed easily and angry. Although I didn't let the anger stay until the next day. I still try really hard to control myself.

At work I have a very annoying co-worker. I really do not know what is his problem. But he always looking for my mistakes or even every body's mistake. Today I gave up with him. For so long I've been very patience and go whatever he is asking. But today, I am just so tired to actually following his stupid request. I ignoring him and my friend took care of it. I wonder why people are working without using common sense?

I did feel guilty because I was thinking well, God did ask us to forgive people so many times. Why can't I give him a chance and just let this go and be patience. I was convicted with that. But as I walk towards my office, I thought to myself, I am a human being that have emotion and feeling. It is ok for me to feel that way, as long as I am conscious about it. That it why we need God and friends to help us to go through hard time.

I want to try to be patience with my kids. Sometimes I do yell at them. But then I regret it later. It's not easy to be able to control our anger. But as our age adding, we should be more wise to find out how to control ourselves. It is make a lot of different in people's life, sometimes we don't know what we say in our anger towards someone. What we did might hurt someone and we don't realize it.

Remember that God asked us so many time to forgive people, why don't we try....

S.O.S

Time is ticking so fast. Is it almost second week of January? ;p When I was a little kid, I used to watch this show called "The end of this world" (I think). This story about a girl that can switch bad thing into a good one. Her most powerful magic is stopping the time using her finger tip. Isn't cool, I always wanted that magic and dream if I can do that...I will stop the time and taking a long nap. Hahahaha....

Today I learn about Help! I helped one of my co-worker today and I notice that she was feeling uncomfortable with the help that I gave it to her. She wasn't sure if she wanted to received my help. I figure, some people does feel weird when they get help. I was that way too. When we moved here 4 years ago, for the first 2 years, it was hard for me to ask for help. I almost can't do it. Until I finally realize, how arrogant I am never asking people for help. I beat myself up by doing things all by myself. I realized when we used to lived back home, we have 2 maids and a driver, so we never need friends for help. The part of being humble to ask for help never appeared in my life. Slow but sure, I am starting to ask people around to watch my kids, asking them to do some other stuff that I can't do. I feel great, plus one of the lady told me that she feel blessed when she help people. She feel grateful that she can help someone, when someone asking for help, she feels like she's been giving an opportunity to help. I didn't understand by then...but I finally got it.


By helping people I always feel great, I feel like I am accomplished something. I used to use a lot of excuses that I am busy with kids and family and I don't have time. I actually could, I just have to manage myself better. With taking care of myself, I can do more things. Eat properly, exercising, get enough sleep. My mom always said that I like to turn the world upside down. I turn morning into night and the other way around. I am a night owl, my creativity comes at night time, along with quietness. ;p

Anyway, my other resolution this year will be exercising and diet. Last year I was successfully cut 45lbs in a year. This year I only need 10 lbs. I am sure I can do it. One of my effort is, I try to walk for 20 mins, at lunch time. I usually walk around The Mall, with all the nice view.

Try to take a small step to help people around you. Sometimes it doesn't take a lot of effort, you could buy something for a friend that need it. For example, you know your friend is sick and she needed a medicine, you can just simply help her to buy it. I am sure it will make her day. ;p

Gooood night !

Singing

Tonight I was in Vienna, VA for a concert. It was fun and I really enjoy it. I sang all of the songs because I know the songs and I love it. Andre Hehanussa was the main act. About 10 years ago, I was one of his backing vocal for his concert. So I was so thrilled to know he is in town. He is one of the famous artist from Indonesia. Along with that, there was Shakila, she is also one of the well known artist from Indonesia, she reside to VA since she was married to an American. Tonight I got a chance to told her that I am one of her fan, in fact I used to sing her song. I really had a great time. It was a blast. I dance and sing. I totally will sleep well tonight.

I love singing. Every time I am sad, stress, desperate, down, I always run to music. I express myself with music. For some reason it is just really soothing me. Since I am in US, for the past 4 years, I hardly sing. It's like one of my passion, although it's not a main one.

I really hoping that one day I can sing in church and lead a worship. Fun and funky worship. It is just the way I wanted to praise my God. With the talent that He already provided me.

Some people starting to ask me to sing. This time I will not pass it, I will definitely take it as my chance. I will not let myself down anymore and I will try to be confidence. I always remember a parable from bible, 3 men with money, only one that actually came back and double the money. That is exactly why God give each of us talents/gifts, it is for us to use and to bless others.

Give what you have, don't just keep it for yourself. Someone can always enjoy it.

Decision...decision....

Tomorrow is already Monday, my least favorite day. I am going to have a long day tomorrow. So I am preparing myself for tomorrow. Entering the third day of January...I looking on what I am going to do this weekend and the next, my weekend already booked for the rest of the month. Gosh....I didn't even realize until I stand in front of my calendar and look at it. Time flies so fast. Part of me still not ready yet, although I know I am going to have an adventure for this year and looking forward for it.

Today I am thinking about taking a big decision that I have to make. But this time, I don't have the guidelines and totally clueless. I am totally blank. I don't know what to do. Something to look forward is I am going to have someone helping me out for this. We are going down to Lynchburg, Virginia to visit a wonderful friends of ours. The good thing is...it will only me and my husband. It is a totally BIG treat for us. I think we need this refreshment. Just the two of us, refreshing our relationship. We hardly even go just the two of us. 'The two of us' runaway totally will be the first time in 2 years. It's been a long time. I know it will be really weird spending 2 nights without kids. But they will survive, I am preparing myself now!

Forget the BIG decision for now...I still have to talk about my resolution. I guess this will be my resolution #3. Ever since I am working in DC, my perspective of life has been changed. Things that I used to do and passion in finally come back to me. So good to be myself. For the past four years although it is hard, but I dont think that I did what I should have done. I don't think that I've done enough spreading the gospel and share about the love of God. I feel like I've been in the safe zone. I've been walking on the egg shell and being comfortable in the Christian circle.

Walking everyday on the street of DC, working in a big building with the diversity of people really opening my eyes. I've been very selfish for the longest time. Knowing some people need God in their life, I cant just close my eyes and walk passed it. For the first time after 4 years, I finally confessed my faith. I shared God in a bar. Talked about Him with someone who don't believe in anything.

With the recession starting on last year, I heard almost everyday in the news about it. It has a big impact in every individual, family, and society. Most of the non profit organization stated that people that used to donate stuff now become their recipient. Very sad. I can't bear my heart watching this situation anymore.

Couple nights ago, Jeremy asked me to pray with him. I couldn't resist his request. So I went in to the room with him. I asked what is his prayer request. He said he ask if God will bless us so we have more money, so we can help others in need. I feel like someone slap on my face hard. If a 6 years old can think about others, why I am being selfish? I really need to get off my butts and do something.

So here is resolution #3... I am going to volunteer in a non profit organization, helping distributing food and packing up in the ware house. I am going to do it with Jeremy. But since the requirement is 7 years old for the children that are going to help, I have another 30 days to go to wait until Jeremy is turning 7. But other than that, what I really want to do it volunteering to teach the kids in need. I found several foundation that has opening for it, I need to pray hard and find the one that God want me to do.

" Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed - not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence- continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose" Philippians 2 : 12-13

Have a great week everybody....!! You can change the world with Him who made you....

Organizing

Entering the 2nd day of 2010, I am still trying to organizing my life. Hoping my life will get easier. I am planning to get more organize, specially in term to save money. Organizing all the bills, paper work, and advertisement. So I don't missed anything.
You will surprise if I said that I already wrap Nicole's gifts for her 3rd birthday in March. Never happened before. I bought the gifts when it was on sale a month ago.
I also starting to plan for Jeremy's birthday, summer vacation, summer camp... hahaha...I know it's a lot, but I feel good about it. Since I am working, I just have to be more organize, I don't have a lot of time anymore. I don't want end up spending my time cleaning up the house, organizing each week and less time for the kids. Organizing makes me feel good. I am almost done with all the organizing and I must say that I am proud of myself. Hahaha......
BUT one thing that I still trying to avoid, planning for food/meal. I don't like cook. It is so hard to think about what to cook. I have to take a deep breath and starting it. ;p

That's another resolution. Plan things better. That way, I can also save money and not being a impulsive shopper. For the past 6 months, I've been really careful with that and I did well. I haven't seen any junk or unused things being bought. All the stuff that I bought is what I need. Beside that I make sure what I purchased is on sale or have a good deal.

I need to keep discipline myself in order to be success. Hope all my laziness will go away. I am still fighting it. Wish me luck everybody....

Day 1 of 2010

Knowing that I have goals for 2010 makes me have the energy and excitement to face my days. I feel like I know good things will happen in front of me. Regardless knowing failure will have the role in the process, I feel like I am ready.

Today, we invited some friends for lunch. It was a good one. It became one of my resolutions, trying to invite friends to come over for lunch or dinner, at least once a month. We really need to get to know people and have a relationship with them. I totally remember in 2009, for that whole year, we only invited 2 friends to come over for dinner. Which is really bad. I feel ashamed for it.

So I am starting to put some name in my list ... You could be the one...;p

Have a good start of the year .... !!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Finally the New Year has come. Welcome to 2010. It's kinda weird how to write it...there is ONE in the middle instead of ZERO...

All of my family got up to welcome 2010, including Daniella the baby. We all excited and open the 2010 with a prayer. Thanking God for 2009. Although it was a hard journey, yet He is with us. Guiding us through the year. We are hoping the same thing.

Everybody kinda listing their resolution. I am always trying to make my resolution do-able with a little sense. Some of the goals need courage and hard work. I will try my best to do it.
This is one of my resolution....

I always wanted to write a book. An inspirational book, a devotion book, a real life book that can help people to go through their lives. I figure if I never start at all, when is this going to happen? I finally decide to be brave and commit to 365 days writing my blog as my journal. I really hope I can make it.

Other than that...I will write it as the day goes by. I don't have a long list, only couple bullet point, but it is important for me and hoping no recycling resolution next year....;p

HAPPY NEW YEAR everybody ! WELCOME 2010 !!!!

The days will tough and suffer, but with the Lord, all things are possible. Be strong in your faith and be perseverance.