Goosssiippp....

About 4 years ago, in September, suddenly my cellphone received a lot of text messages and my YM appeared with some messages too. I received the news with my heartbeat racing really fast. Everyone told me that my name and my pictures were all over the news. It was on either television or tabloid/newspaper. There was a rumor that spread out, me, being the 3rd person in some one's marriage. Wasn't a proud news for me. The funny thing was, I was already in US for 4 months by that time and it was about 9 months I didn't in contact with that person anymore. My relationship with him was pure professional relations.

It was a big chaos. My mom got interviewed, some of my family wasn't very happy about it. I was definitely angry, specially when I saw what the wife had to say about me. It wasn't a good one. I was so far away and all I could do just silence. I feel like my pride was destroyed, angry, unappreciated, low self-esteem and all my feelings was mixed up together. Once again, there wasn't a lot that I could do that time. Well, as the matter fact, I could encounter or speak for myself, but I chose to silent.

The only thing that I remembered that time was a text message that came from my dad. He wrote this to me : " I trust you". My dad and I wasn't very close. We speak couple times in a year. We see each other may be twice a year. But that day, it was a very touched moment and encouraging words that he sent it to me. Those words are powerful. I can have all the world judging me that time cause they don't know me, but the most important thing was my dad trusted me. Although he didn't exactly know what was going on, but he choose to trust me. It was very nice of him.

This gossip was out twice. That September was the first time. After they couldn't find any evidence supporting the rumors, it was finally slow down. A year later, the wife filed for divorce, and once again my name was involved. This time I just sat down and watched and smile. It was something that didn't make sense. They end up survived and got back together. I was happy to hear that.

After couple years went by, suddenly last week, one of my friend YM me, she said " there is a big news in here". My heart raced again, I wonder what happened again this time. She said " the wife get caught cheating". This time the husband filed for divorced. To be honest with you, that time I probably the cruelest person in the world. I laughed and happy. Well, not because they got divorced, but finally the truth had came out. I never really waited for this time. I can't believe that is actually happening. I feel sad for the husband though. But again, I am glad that I leaved everything to God.

That day when things happened at the first place, I learnt that gossiping is a cruel thing to do. I promised myself not to gossip about anyone anymore, specially when I am not sure about the truth. Gossip is hurtful. You can actually destroying people's life by doing it. I am glad that I didn't respond it further that day. The revenge is God. I let God revealed the truth.

Let's start not gossiping about anyone. Put yourself in that position when you start to think about it.

Dream

I took a deep breath and I feel this is the time. I've been here for 4 years now. I feel like I've been living in the desert for that long. Wondering around, walking around, guessing around and finally tired of it. But this time, I think this is it. I need to pursue my dream. Something that I've been wanting to do for so long, as the matter fact since I was in High School. But I kept putting it behind me and waited for the right time to do it. I figured there will never be a right time. So, couple days ago, I decided to enroll myself at Liberty University pursuing my Master Degree in Professional Counseling. This is something that I would love to do one day when my kids are growing up and doesn't need as much attention like right now.

I know this will be a hard challenge. Well, I never would imagine my life is actually getting easier anyway. So I think I'm up to it. No matter how hard it is, I can do it. God willing He will provide anything I need. Financially, strenght, support, wisdom and seriously anything I need, I believe He will fulfilled that. I just need to work hard. So if any of you know any organization, institution, any resources that giving away scholarship, let me know. ;p

It is a dilemma for me, on the other hand I wanted to raise my kids without any intteruption in life. HAH!! Wonder I could do that. But, I also believe that I have to develop the talent, passion and gift that God had already put in me. For the past 2 years, every single morning, I always sitting in front of my computer, emailing and chatting with different people that needed help, encouragement, advice, etc. I love doing it. It's my passion to be able to set people free and excited about their life and finding the purpose, that is the most important one. Well, it doesn't mean mine is perfect. As a human being I sometimes fall short too. Not just sometimes, a lot. Haha....

I am very excited about this and I am hoping that God will make a way. Again, if this is something He wants me to do, He will open the door for me. Just wish me luck...!!

Good night everyone.....

Scammed

Writing this story isn't easy at all. I double dare myself to bring this story up, not because I want to selfpity myself, but I believe that God has purposed for this. The reason I share this will be because I want to show HIS faithfulness and protection in my life.

About a month ago, I was looking for a job. We thought it would be nice to have extra money, specially after my husband get laid off couple months ago makes us realized nothing are really secured in this recesion year. So we decided to have an alternative.

It wasn't easy at all for me to find a job. I wasn't apply just for any job, but I am looking for a job that have convinience, close to home, flexible schedule and possibilty work from home. Again after 4 years being a stay home mom, it is hard for me to think about leaving my kids. Specially Daniella, she is still a baby.

Anyway, after searching and searching, one day I found an interesting one. It was too good to be true. Yet, I tried. I applied. It was a personal assistant position. It says that I can work from home and help him to do some errands and any list of jobs that he wants the applicant to do. I thought it was the perfect one. I can earn money and stay at home with the kids. A week later, I got a response, he thinks that my background is perfect with what he is looking for. He wanted to give it a try. And this is where the disaster begin....

The first two weeks, he emailed me couple stuff to do, he said I will receive checks and he wanted me to cash it and send it to an orphanage. The first time everything seems ok. I was able to cashed it. Several weeks later, he said I am going to receive another one. For some reason, that day after I received the package, I decided to go to the bank that I usually go. I know the teller and she always be a friend to me. She always help me in anyway I needed. So I came to her and told her I wanted to cash the checks. She tried to processed it, it didnt go through. I gave her all of it for her to try. Still didn't work. She asked me if I want to just deposit it and withdrawn the money after I deposit the check. BUT she told me how thing works. I decided not to do anything with it. When that happened, my heart starting to race. I knew for sure I am losing my money from the previous one. I was so angry and hoping this is just a mistake. I email the man and he YM me back, he said that he read my email and didn't understand what I was talking about. So I started to ask questions, like where he got the checks. I probably dumb...as dumb as I could be. Again, I was hoping this is just a mistake. He just told me it was from a client. No further explaination. I am trying so hard not to type cursing word to him.

That Night I reported the incident to an organization that works along with FBI. Along with that, I was praying hard and think hard whether I should report to the local police or not and thinking who can I trust. That night I realized I was being scammed. I did a lot of research and sadly it is very common. I don't know why I did not know that. I feel that I was blind until this far. I have no idea about scamming and counterfeit checks or money order. No clue. I didnt even know how it works. I couldn't sleep at all that night. All my feelings are mixed together. Since I had a long night ahead of me, I posted all the stuff that I wanted to sell online. Thing that I've been wanting to do, but I never get a chance and I finally did it that night.

The next day, I received an email from a prospective buyer. From her email, it looked like she works for the government. So I called her back. She didn't pick up her phone, so I left her a message. That afternoon, she stopped by to pick up the stuff that she wanted. We chat for a little bit and I asked her what is she doing. She told me she is a police officer. It blown me up... I said, you are here for a reason. I told her my story and the funny thing is, she is working on investigation cyber crime. She wrote down all the information I have and promised me to check it up for me and will write a police report for me. What a day! I couldn't believe that happened the next day when I need it. God really lay His hands upon me.

Despite of all my feelings...dumb, stupid, betrayed, angry, not confidence, you name it! I just want him to know that he is not smarter than I am. I am smart enough to choose the right way of earning money, smart enough not to use people's hard work to fullfil my needs, a selfish one, smart enough to choose a better life not to live in fear, and not to live on top of people's suffered. Scamming people is the most ridicuolus job. No matter what the reason is. We are the victim is in the same position in needing money to survive, yet we pay for something that we do not own. Above all I am smart enough to know that I have my God that protected me along the way to passed this experience. God had allowed me to go through this for a reason. Although it is a very expensive one.

After this incident happened, I feel that God bless our family more. He provide everything we need. Seriously, everything... I know He has planned something big in front of us. We just have to wait and perseverance. I also wanted to thank my sister - Monique-, without her, I will never be recover again. Thank you so much for picking up every pieces of me when I am having the hardest time in my life. Your prayer and encouragement are great power for me to be alive again. Thank you for always cheers me up and make sure I am doing ok. As you said sis, revenge is belong to God. As it is written in Romans 12:19 ; "Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay,"says the Lord". I only can sit still and wait for God to do His part. In His time, it will end up worth it to go through all this. I just need to sharpen my discernment next time. Thank God for His protection not to fall twice and I could end up in bigger trouble.

For I know the plans I have for you,"declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and future". Jeremiah 29:11

He granted my wish !!

Ups, it's been a month I haven't update my blog. Time flies so fast and I didn't realize a lot of things going on within a month. I will try to get back and count backward what is going on in life.

Well, we have a big news to share. After 37 weeks being pregnant, she finally here. Welcome to our family baby Daniella Malia. She was born on November 14th. She weight 6.15lbs and 20,5 inches long. Jeremy and Nicole were so happy to have a new sister. In my surprise, Nicole was so excited. When she saw the baby she pointing at her and said ' baby'. I asked if she wants to hold the baby and she said yes. So we let her to hold the baby. She treat her like a doll. When the baby tried to open her eyes, she laughed so hard. She thought it's hillarious. When we take the baby from her, she cried and still wanted to hold her. When her brother touch the baby, she said it's mine !! She probably think it's a real doll. hahaha...That's so cute.

I am glad that everyone is so love their sister. Seeing them so happy and excited for the new member of the family makes my heart feel gracious and blessed. God has been so good to our family. He gave me really precious family. Though they all different but they love each other as a brother and sister.

I will share about my interesting labor. It was quick and in my surprise. But I thank God that He granted my wishes. Although the pain is unbearable but it is a grace.

A week before, I went in to the hospital because of constant contraction. It was every 5 mins. But back then I only 36 weeks. So they didn't want me to have the baby, because it was too early. They told me to bed rest and wait for another week. By then I already 2 cm dialated. So I went home and take some rest for couple days. Try to make the contraction slow down.

And it worked.

The night before on Thursday, I felt that my back is killing me, and the contraction keep coming back and forth all day. But I thought, well, it's probably still another week to go. I even make plan for the next week to do some stuff, thinking may be the baby will born next week.

That night on Thursday night, after watching CSI I went to bed right away. So it was around 10pm I went to bed, because I am so tired. At 1.30am, I woke up because the contraction was so painful. I can't even flip to the other side. I tried to ignore it and go back to sleep, but I couldn't. The contraction is getting stronger and unbearable. So I finally sat on my bed and count my contraction. After constant 5 mins, and unbearable pain, I decided to take a shower. hahaha.....In the middle of the pain I still urged myself to get a shower. I woke my husband up and tell him we need to get ready to the hospital. He's like....ARE YOU SURE? I'm like....just get up and go. Not until an hour later we finally ready and go. We got in to the hospital at 3.10am. I barely even get out from the elevator, the pain was so strong. They took me right away to the labor room. They checked me right away and it was 5 cm. So they prepare everything, get things ready, which is take forever, .... they tried really hard to get the IV on, but it was too late. The contraction getting stronger and stronger. 35 mins later from 5 cm went to 9 cm. I didn't get a chance to get epidural. I cried and scream and I think I am loosing it. I was so tired and think I will not going to make it. But the nurse really help me to go through that moment, ... put me on oxygen, calm me down, help me with the breathing, and wait until the doctor come. In a minutes from 9cm went to 10cm and I am so ready to have the baby. I am so ready to push, but the doctor still not here yet. I scream and said, get the doctor here now, I can't wait anymore, the baby is about to come out. As soon as I saw the doctor in front of the door I just push without thinking anymore, I thought well, the doctor is here, he will have time to catch her. So I did push, when the doctor came back to the room after changing his clothes, he pull the baby's head right away. In 5 mins, 2 pushes she is out. O my goodness....it was a wild experience. Within 50 mins, we had the baby. We came in at 3.10 and the baby is out at 4.05am.

Remember I ever debating on whether I should use epidural or not, well, God answer my prayer. He let me went without epidural, yet He made things goes so fast. Not letting me suffered. In His time He knows what is best for me, yet the pain is....unbearable. But after seeing the baby it's all worth it. Praise the Lord.

Sonogram

Last Friday I went in for my 3rd sonogram. They don't usually do as much as it is, but since I have the fibroids they kinda wanted to watch closer just to make sure the fibroids doesn't getting bigger.

The sonogram went well. One of the fibroids already shrink and they can't even see it. Another one shrunk really tiny. Thank God everything went well and I don't have to go back until another 8 weeks and they are going to do the 4D sonogram. I can't wait for it. It will be exciting to be able to see her clearly.

Here is some cute picture that the doctor print it out for me. She said hi to her mommy. Look at her hand, you can actually count her fingers. They are 5. ;p

I can't wait to be able to see her in the next couple months. Still have to think about her name. It's getting closer and we have no clue what to name her. ;p

The Result

Well....after that crazy day... the result starts to coming in. The X-Ray's result came in first. They said nothing serious, it looks like he had constipation problem. I'm like...that's impossible. He goes to bathroom every single day and its a soft stool. He never having hard time pup. The doctor said it looks like he has small stomach ache and still have a lot left over that never get out. So they gave him Miralac, to empty his stomach. I thought that was it.

The next day, on Thursday morning a phone call woke me up. I had to woke up cause I know it must be the doctor calling. They always call early in the morning. So I forced myself to get up and pick up the phone.

The doctor said..." we got the blood test result back! we found something interesting. His blood sugar is really high. He can get in to diabetes category for being that high". It was like lighting struck in my head. How that possible happened? The doctor asked if he fast before they took the blood, I said no, he's been fasting long enough and couldn't wait anymore. So I fed him poptart before they draw his blood. So that day the doctor asked me to come early so they can draw another blood with fasting. So that morning we rushed to the doctor's office. Thank so much for my friend Janneth that came over with her twins to picked me up, cause I don't have my car that day.

The test didn't take that long, but the result was so disappointing. His blood sugar still high. Although it is so much better. From 160 to 102. Still over 100. So the doctor called some of the specialist to discussed what to do next. So he has to go through diabetic screening next week. Besides that, he need to see GI specialist, to find out what cause the stomachache.

I'm so nervous and going crazy. Imagine 5 years old kid have diabetes. It will be miserable for both the kid and the parents. Even right now, they said it's pre-diabetic condition, but I have to maintain the blood sugar level. It gave me headache to think about what to feed him. Every time he asked, can I eat this, can I eat that? I have to check all the nutrition label, make sure the sugar and the calories not too high. What happen when the school start?

Please pray that it's just a temporary thing and nothing serious. I never imagine if my child is having diabetes. He ate healthy food. He doesn't even like sweet. He can't even finish a lolly pop. How that happened? Only God know what is the purpose of that. We as the parents can only pray and pleaded for healing.

Stomachache

It's been two weeks that I haven't wrote anything. It's been a SUPER busy week for me. Within 2 weeks I have tons of story to tell.

After Nicole get better from her sickness... finally she can eat, play and walk around the house again... It's Jeremy's turn. My goodness....both are my kids hardly ever get sick. Around the year I can actually count how many times they get sick.

Anyway, he had VBS (Vacation Bible School ) that week. It was starting from Sunday evening through Thursday. That last day, I got a called from the teacher. It was 6.45pm, which is only 15 minutes after my husband dropped him off. I didn't get his message until 8.10pm. I was at work at that time. I tried to call my husband and wanted to know if he got him. He didn't picked him up until 8.15pm. Poor little guy.

After they got home, my husband told me that he throw up. I thought he probably ate too much watermelon before had dinner. So there was gas in his stomach. I just take it easy. The next day, he slept all day long. He threw up 5 times for the whole day. He can't even take a bite of bread. He was really miserable. He kept telling me it is hurt him so much. After a while I think its probably just a virus or Gastroenteritis. They said it can last for about 5-7 days. So I decided just to wait for the next couple days. See how he is doing.

Well, finally on Monday I took him to the doctor because there is no sign he will get better. I'm kinda confuse because his symptoms just confusing. He doesn't have fever, not throwing anymore, but he is still in pain. So I took him to the doctor. The doctor decided to run some test. Sonogram, X-ray, Upper GI, blood, urine and stool test. Just to make sure it's just a virus.

We had a long day with all the test. It took 2 hours for all the test. He had to fast, so we have to did it early in the morning. So all of us left the house at 7am. Trust me it's not fun when Nicole have to come a long. Thank God that Jeremy was cooperate and did everything by himself.

Since, I am pregnant and had Nicole with me, I wasn't been able to participate in the X-ray room.

After all done. We had lunch together with my husband. Since the lab and my husband's office kinda close. We went to the mall for lunch. I did that on purpose too cause I have to wait Jeremy to pup. I don't want to come back and forward just to drop the sample. After lunch he finally did his business. My husband dropped the sample to the lab.

On the way back, suddenly my car died on the road. My goodness......what is wrong with my day. I think I had enough. Nicole was so tired. She is been up since 6.30am and it was 1.15pm. She missed her morning nap and was so tired. I have automatic car, so when the machine died, it switch in to manual. It was scary if I have to push it to the highway. So I tried to park in the parking lot. It won't start again. I called my husband and he had to take half day off. I waited for 45 mins. We called the tow car and didn't come until 2 hours later. I am super tired. That night everyone went to bed at 8pm. I called out from work, I won't be able to make it.

What a dayyyyy.....!!!!

TO BE CONTINUED......

When I'm feeling blue

Well, not really blue...lagi feeling melow aja. Don't have to work. My little one is sleeping, browsing some songs from internet. Tiba-tiba kangen sama lagu-lagu Indonesia. Trus cari-cari lagu yang enak di telinga. Lagu Dygta kayanya enak juga. Berhubung katanya sudah banyak banget band-band baru yang enak-enak, jadi bingung juga. Jadi dipasang yang tau aja. Kali buat yang lagi iseng-iseng buka blog malam-malam jadi terinspirasi buat ngeblog. hehehehe...

Kalau dah gini, kangen pengen pulang, hiks..... mana lagi ngidam makanan indo pula. Gawat deh. Hhmm yang dipikirin macem2. Mulai dari masakan manado, soto mie, sate padang, bakmi ayam di pluit, pisang goreng, dan segala macam seafood. Wah nggak selesai-selesai deh kalau diurut terus. Tapi apa daya cuma bisa memikirkannya doank. Hiks....

Kalau ada yang bisa kasih rekomen juga lagu-lagu yang lagi bagus sekarang ini. Boleh juga dikasih tau.

Have a great weekend!!

Epidural

It's getting closer to the due date....well, 4 months to go, but time flies. I'm starting to think about epidural. I just told my husband last night, may be this time I will pass epidural. I don't think I'm going to need one. Why? I had bad experience with epidural both with my first and second labor. The first one I needed because I was induce. I was shocked and not prepare for it. So the doctor offered me epidural. I was agreed to had one. Since it was my first one and had a long labor, I was able to sleep and rest. Not until I was 9 cm dilated and was ready to give birth, guess what....? I had to wait for the doctor. It was Sunday that day, no doctor, my doctor was on vacation. The doctor that supposed to stay in Graha Medika, was in PIK. While I was waiting ... the nurse gave me second shot for epidural. It was horrible, one hour after they put more epidural, the doctor came and I'm ready to give birth. Yup....I can't push at all, I couldn't even feel the contraction. Isn't crazy? So they have to tell me when to push. It was horrible delivery. I don't know when to stop and start, my baby stucked for second and his head kinda in the bad shape. That's the first experience with epidural.

The second one.....

I was in long labor with the second one. I was admitted in the hospital at 1pm. Around 5pm, I'm still 4cm dilation. The nurse starting to offered me epidural, I said I'll think about it. I still can handle it. Half hour later, they warned me again, they said if you are getting close to give birth, I won't do it for you. IF you are about 6cm dilation, I won't give it to you because it's too close. After thinking for awhile, I decided to do it, because I thought ... well, if the baby born in the middle of the night, at least I still can get some sleep during the labor. It's 5pm and still 4cm. So I said, ok then, you can give me epidural. After awhile, I still can feel the contraction. I asked the doctor and they actually add the dose. I was numb up to my chest, I was scared because I feel that I couldn't breath. I hang in there, but the contraction getting stronger and stronger. About 2 hours later, I said to the nurse, I think I wanted to push. She said...no...don't push. I said, I am ready. Can you believe, I'm on epidural yet I can feel whatever is going on. The nurse didn't believe me, suddenly the doctor came in just wanted to check how I'm doing. And he said...you are ready. I'm like...yeah...that's what I've been telling the nurse, I'm ready to pushed. So they prepare everything in rush. It was like I never had epidural before.

I am wondering if anyone ever not using epidural may be you can share your experience about that. How much pain do you think it is? It's kinda tricky though, since every person has different tolerate of pain. I wanted to try may be this time go on birth without epidural. We'll see. I need to prepare myself from now. ;p

Well, another 4 months to go....I believe it will give me enough time to think about it.

Fiborids

A week ago I went in to my doctor for another sonogram, they wanted to do 2nd trimester screening. I am also so excited cause I'm hoping to see the sex of my baby. My husband came with me, he is so curious what we are having. He can't wait, so he wanted to come with me. The good news is, we are having a GIRL again....yey....that's what we wanted to. So exciting !! After couple minutes of looking around, the doctor said....do you have fibroids? I'm like....what? What's that? Never heard of it before. I said, I don't think so. Then she said, sometimes it could be genetic. Do you know if your mom has it? Again, I have no idea. Finally she said, well you have 2 fibroids, but it's not too big. I don't think I like that. They said it can grow. Until certain size you can do surgery, but right now they want to make sure it's not growing.

Fibroids is not dangerous. It's like a tumor, but benign. It's kinda relief for me to hear that.

I said, I had a lot of cramping lately, my lower back hurts, and on Sunday I had pressure under my belly, it was so hard, I thought I'm in labour. But then she said, that's probably why. Cause you have fibroids. It gives you the pain.

Thank God, that the Fibroids didn't effecting the baby. The fibroids stay in front of the wall of my uterus. They wanted to do sonogram every month just to make sure, it doesn't grow. The baby is growing healthy and all the measurement are just perfect and she is in the good size for 20 weeks.

I just keep praying for the baby. I pray that the fibroids will go away and the baby stay healthy. Sometimes I feel so guilty....I didn't know the first two months I was pregnant, I keep drinking coffee a lot, just to keep me awake. Sometimes it makes me scare. BUT I believe that God is in control, He will taking care what He suppose to do.

Now, I just can't help myself to keep looking for the name. It's so harddddddd!!!

It's hard to decide

It's been second night this week I sleep past midnite. My nausea still bothering me. It's killing me. But what can I do. I have to bear with all of this. Hopefully it will pass soon!

This past week was a very busy week. A lot of decisions to make. Gosh, life is so complicated. Never thought that deciding what is the best education for my son is so hard. For once I thought I'm 100% wanted to homeschool him, I'm still now,...it's just when I heard about immersion school, I'm kinda want to try that. It's a huge benefit for him to be able to speak another language. I said to my husband, since it's a lottery he might not get in, why don't we just try and see if he get in or not. In this county, the chinesse immersion program, we only have 2 schools. They only take 25 kids per school. so they are doing the lottery system.

After waiting for a while, I thought...well, he is probably not get in. I was about to fill up the homeschool application, ....until the next day when my husband came home and said....good news, Jeremy got accepted. I'm like......WHAT? that's unbelivable. He got number 24 out of 25. How lucky he is. Well, may be he is not lucky, it's just the way God has plan for him. I'm still struggle making decision. Finally today I called the school to re-enroll him and have the orientation on Friday. I can't believe I will be missing my boy for almost all day. It's hard to let him go.

I said to him, are you sure you wanted go to reguler school? He said...mom let's try it first, if I don't like it then we do homeschool. He always has this positive thinking and encouraging word to say. I said, well I'm gonna missed you. He said, you still have Nicole and soon the baby. Hahahaha....Yeah, I still have two at home. Still a lot of work to do. But having him at home is another joyous moment for me. It's still different without him.

Anyway, I hope we are making the right decision by putting him at that school. He just too smart to do kindergarten, another reason why I wanted to homeschool him, he is way too advanced for kindergarten. I'm worry he will get bored in the class coz he has to start learning everything all over again.

I believe that God is the one in control and He knows what's the best for my son. I just have to follow my heart and trust Him. It's not easy being parents yet it's an honor being parents.