Showing posts with label My Devotion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label My Devotion. Show all posts

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Responsible

I know it's has been awhile since I'm blogging. Although I have a lot in mind to write, but I just can't squeeze my time in to writing lately. It is driving me crazy when I can't blog. I think the space in my mind is about to be full soon. ;p I wanted to share some of my experience that I had been going through lately. It wasn't an easy one. Well, since when I have an easy experience. But again, I learn my lesson from this event.

I used to think that every adult know about responsibility. But I guess I was wrong. Totally wrong. Since I have kids, I realized that responsibility is something I have to teach them and plant in to them, so they know what is responsible is about when they grow up.

About a year ago, I met one of Indonesian friend in here. She is a well-known person back home. (or may be not) Although her fame is not through herself, but she had a very famous husband. Anyway, the reason I met her just because I was trying to help a friend that needed her and was looking for her. There is when the contact started.

The first time I met her, I had a pretty good impression. After couple meetings, she introduced me her business to me. It's a jewelry business that I am doing now. It is a good business and I enjoy doing it to be honest. Beside it's making a good profit, I got to do it with my best friend and it's so much fun doing it with her.

After couple months knowing her, she asked me to do her a favor. She wanted to have an iPhone through AT&T but couldn't open one account because she doesn't have - either good credit or no credit at all. I asked her couple time if that what she really need, because if you are not a business woman that needed 24 hours connection, it's just a waste, cause you have to pay monthly fee for that. For single mother with 2 teenagers that are going to college at the same time in the following year, I don't think it's necessary. Well, she insisted that she want one and firm about it. So we trusted her.

The first payment was late. I didn't say anything hoping she will contact me to let me know whether she is going to pay it or not or at least let me know if she will be late. But after couple days passed by, I finally called her because I wasn't hear anything from her. Come to my surprised that she actually more angry than I do. (Isn't amazing?) I starting to wonder....Am I the one that owed her? or the other way around? She gave me 1000 pages of her 'to do' list which I don't care, because, that time I also had a very crazy life. I just had a baby, we just moved to a new apartment. Now, I have to be a debt collector? Anyway, couple days after that, she stop by and gave me couple checks for the next couple months.

This month when the bill is due, I cashed the check. Couple days later while I was checking my bank account, I was so confused why there is a returned deposit check plus the fee. Knowing that it's my checking account to pay the bills I don't have a lot of extra money in there. So I called the bank and they told me that the check I deposited is no good. The account in that bank is closed. My natural reaction was - of course - mad !! Not just because the check is returned, but the fact that I have to pay all the fee and messes my account.

I told her what is happening. Instead of apologizing and promising will pay it soon. She argue with me about it. O my goodness. Can people go crazier than that. She said that she swear that she is always remember to put money on that date, or may be I was cashing it the same time as she paid her insurance for $300. Again...who cares? All I know that the check has been returned. Couple days I haven't hear from her about what she is going to do. So I called AT&T to transfer the account or disconnect it. She was freaked out when we did conference call. Typical of her....excuses are always her best bet. She said I can't afford to pay the deposit because I have to pay the rent, insurance, bla...bla...bla....( I don't know what she is saying anymore, cause with all her lists, I put away the phone). So I said to her...look...relax, just let them process the transfer. If you are not eligible for the account, then we disconnect the service as simple as that. We will pay for it first and you just pay us back. She is agreed to it. That night we disconnected the service and cost us $125 to break the contract.

My husband told me she will not going to pay this. So he said, why don't we just take her iPhone, since she won't be able to use it anyway. Not so much because we wanted to use it. We don't! But he just think this is the fair thing to do. She bought the iPhone for $200 with contract, now we pay $125 to break her contract, he thinks it's fair. I didn't agree just because I wanted her to learn a lesson, being responsible.

The next morning, as I sat on the train to work, I read my bible. That day when I opened my bible it was Romans 2 about righteous judgment. It is about teaching us we need to show His kindness, tolerance and patience because God is our judge, not us. Well, you probably need to read the whole thing to make this connect to the story. Anyway, I felt that God ask me to do this for His goodness. So as soon as I got in to my office, I told my husband that I agreed to do what he suggested. I text that woman telling her that we wanted to help her financially. I said, you don't have to pay us back $125, but it would be fair if we trade with the cellphone. You can pay all the charges divided in to 2 months. But I guess I was wrong, once again, she was mad! Hahaha...........I just laughed this time, I was speechless. I said to God, look, I did my best. I try to do the right thing. But it didn't work. If I was her I will take the offered, because it's only half of what she owed. In total she owed about $300. Look, if she is struggling financially we definitely can talk. But as far as I know, she always make a poor priority. She just came back from Hawaii with her daughter, I know the trip was her reward. But again, you still have to spend some money while you were there right? And if you are struggling a lot, because her kids goes to college this year, wouldn't be a right thing to do just to cash the trip and save the money or pay all your debt. That is what bothering me.

Well, I don't want to go to any further details anymore. Until today it is not solve yet. But again I learned my lesson. God teaches me a lot of things and it made come to the understanding of being a Christian. Being a Christian not just about how many hours you put in prayers, reading bible, attending Christian conferences, church and put your days in to fasting if you do not have the character of Christ. I was angry with God for a little just because this woman put herself so high in Christ. She always attending conferences out of town, she told me how many hours she pray, how long she is fasting, etc. But all of that didn't matter because she is not showing her character as she suppose to be. One night while I was pumping, I feel like God said " Look, if I never let you go through this event, you will end up the same. You can praise and read the bible everyday, but you are not showing my character, it will be useless". I am so glad that God lead me along the way. I did finally realize that as much as I wanted to help people and have compassion and being a woman of influence, but if it is not naturally grow, I will struggling and end up keeping a lot of bitterness in my heart. Again, I have to thank God for this. For He is good and always have reasons for things. Things aren't easy, but with Christ I can go through it.

"But because of your stubbornness and your unrepentant heart, you are storing up wrath against yourself for the day of God's wrath, when his righteous judgment will be revealed. God will give to each person according to what he has done. To those who by persistence in doing good seek glory, honor and immortality, he will give eternal life " Romans 2:5-7

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Song of the season

I picked this song because it is really reflecting what I am going through right now. All I can do is waiting. Here is the lyrics...

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will waitYes,
I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

By : John Waller

Finally...

I finally walk in to the sanctuary. After a long day and tempting to not going because of the rain, I managed to get out of the door just in time. After rushing the kids having dinner of course.
I was a little late when I got there. There was a baptism going on. It turn out today is a baptism service. I never really excited about going to a baptism service. If I know it will be one, I probably decided not to come. For some reason I thought it is boring. So.... I was ready to hear the pastor preach, and look down to the bulletin to find out how many people will get baptized. And... it was 30 people...hahaha....I thought to myself "great, now I'm stuck" I come to see the baptism of the people that I don't know.
As the service goes by, I starting to enjoy it, specially when I listen to their testimonies, the reason why they accepting Jesus, their life before accepting Jesus, and on and on.... It was awesome. I have my own quiet time to think about a lot of things in that very moment. I have this questions for a long time and finally I found it tonight. People will thing I am crazy and dumb, because it's actually very easy answer and it has the logic. BUT for some reason I never got in to that point, I was blind. I found myself get into more trouble when I draw myself near to God. One time I was at the point that I said to God... "Ok God, I probably just let my life a little normal, and not to crazy about You. Because every time I pray harder and read your words every single day, I end up having more burden and harder things to go through". This time is the same thing. As I am going through the desert, I try to draw myself near God, but it seems like the problems keep coming and never ending. I am almost back off a little bit, until tonight, when I am finally got the answer. The answer makes me decide to stay where I am today, to keep myself closer and closer to HIM. The answer was simply the Satan doesn't like the fact that I am close to HIM.
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Ephesians 6:10-12
Last month I am applying for a federal job. I submitted my resume couple days before the dateline. After a week or so, I got a letter from the agency saying that my application has been rejected, simply because I am not meeting the dateline, my document was late. I was angry, because I worked hard to put all the essay together and whatever they said wasn't true at all. I even keep the receipt from the post office as the evidence that I sent it couple days early. So I called and asked them about my application. The answered made me even mad. This is what they said, " well, this is a government office, it could be get in to the wrong place for several days, sometimes it didn't come right away in to our office. It could be in the mail room. I am like... how in the world should I know that. Aren't you supposed to see the date on the stamp. Anyway, she keep saying that, and I finally had nothing to say. It's not going to change anything and it's not worth it argue about it, because all she know is.... she is right. I pray and I said to God, if this is meant for me and this is for me. It was one of the battle.
I feel that right now God is teaching me to be humble. It's n0t an easy process. It's killing me. Listening to their testimonies today make my first love to God growing. God made me remember when the first time I fall in love with Him. I see things differently. I worship Him, adore Him, do whatever He says. What changed now? I starting to understand a little by a little.
Going through hard time like this is not easy. I need friends to pray for me. I need friends that I can share my burden. I need friends that encourage me. But guess what? It is not easy at all. Most of friends that I know is super busy with their own life, activities, etc. Whenever they called, I only can manage to talk to them 2 mins before they got interrupted with their kids or other things. Usually it ends after... Hi, how are you. Hahahaha.... I started to feel lonely. But then an 8th grader said... when I know Jesus, He become my best friend. I can share everything with Him. Its struck me. I'm like why I never treat Him like one? I shared a lot with Him, but I feel like I treated Him like a scary, intimidated God. Not a loving, friendly and care God. Again...now I understand about being a friend of God. My secret safe with Him, He will never judge me, He will never disappointed me, He will always by my side each and every time I needed Him, He will never walk away from me, He will never too busy for me, He will always there 24 hours for me without interruption, He will never get tired of listening to me. You tell me all the characteristics about having a best friend... He is more than qualified.
God not just teaching me about being humble, but He is also teaching me how to have relationship with Him. I am always in the ministry. Have a ministry. But I treat the ministry as a job, not my passion, not something I do because I love God, but more things that I have to do. That is absolutely sad. Now I understand !!
Thank you God for today. I am not regretting every minute I had in that room watching all the people being baptized. I am hoping next time I see more than 30 people that come to the Lord and accepting Jesus as their savior. What a great gift their received today.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Contentment

Contentment is a restful and trustful acceptance, appreciation and enjoyment of God's will, work and provision at each juncture of our journey with Him.
Two weeks ago I heard this sermon about contentment. It's kinda waking me up with all my dissapointment and disatisfying of life... (well, sometimes...). I forget that despite of everything that I complain, God still is good and provide for us. As in Philipians 4:12,13 says, I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed and hungry whether living in plenty or in want.
Paul learned to be content as God taught him to do so. When we are at the stage of having is chronic discontentment, it will drive our life crazy. What is chronic discontentment can do to us? Let's see what is the definition says ... it is a persistent dissatisfaction, frustation, agitation and impatience about our lot in life.
I am totally in there. Persistent dissatisfaction ... without I realized when I complain about things I am practicing that dissatisfaction of life. I will complain about how small our apartment is for the (will be) 5 of us. I will complain about how no one help me during the hard time when I needed. I will get frustation knowing that I will not get help all the time, like to have a maid or a sitter ( for those who is in Indonesia, I envy you sometimes!). The more I complain the more I get frustrated. It will drag me to a further negative thought and being depressed and starting to get impatience wanted to fast forward my life and see what happen next. Isn't it sad when you can't really enjoy your life?.
Well, after thinking for couple days, I think I starting to realized that I can make my life easier by doing the right things. To have that Chronic discontentment is a symptom of serious spiritual problems. I don't like that. I just wanted to be close to my God and have a satisfying in my life.
Here are the symptom of chronic discontentment just in case you need it to screen yourself :
- Fear and mistrust
- Pride
-Misplaced values and priorities
-Comparisons, greed, jealousy and envy
-Unresolved disappointments and unhealed personal pain
Being content can be learned. If we go to Philippians 4:11-13 --- I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed of hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.
Contentment can be developed when we have the right attitude, such as :
- Consistently count our blessings
- Replace grumbling with gratitude
- Deal quickly with disappointments
- Manage dreams and expectations --- make sure they are realistic
- Develop and live in a spirit of worship
- Trust God's love and power
Hebrew 13:5 --- Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, " Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you".
I can just keep going on and on about things that dissatifying in my life. But I choose not to continue put all that list in my life. I wanted to have a freedom of being discontent and starting a new perspective of life. I hope you can do the same too and I will pray that each of us can have the breakthrough in our life being content to what we have.
Have a great day...!!
taken from the sermon at the church of redeemer by pastor Dale O'shields

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Recital


After waited for Jeremy to turn 5 , we finally put him on piano lesson. He always like music. He also show interest to play another instrument. But I wanted him to be able to mastered the piano first, because I think piano is the basic for all instrument. Once he is good at piano, it will get easier to learn another instrument. He wanted to learn violin, guitar and drum. I said just take your time for piano and we'll see the next 2 year if you can take another instrument.


He made a really good progress. After only 3 months, he almost finished his book. It amazed his teacher. She offer him to use another book, so he can do two books at the same time, but I think one is enough. The problem is, it takes a lot of effort to make him practice every single day and teach him. Anyway, they had recital 2 weeks ago. He did so well. It was perfect. He memorize it, while other kids look at the book, he didn't. I was nervous, cause I afraid he will get nervous and forget about what he should play. I was wrong, he was calm and confidence. He played song called " Russian Sailor Dance".


It was his first experience and also mine as a mom. So proud of him. I can't believe that I'm at the point of take him to the school, piano lesson and all his activities. What a life.....!! It won't come back. But, I stil have 2 to go....;p