Finally...

I finally walk in to the sanctuary. After a long day and tempting to not going because of the rain, I managed to get out of the door just in time. After rushing the kids having dinner of course.

I was a little late when I got there. There was a baptism going on. It turn out today is a baptism service. I never really excited about going to a baptism service. If I know it will be one, I probably decided not to come. For some reason I thought it is boring. So.... I was ready to hear the pastor preach, and look down to the bulletin to find out how many people will get baptized. And... it was 30 people...hahaha....I thought to myself "great, now I'm stuck" I come to see the baptism of the people that I don't know.

As the service goes by, I starting to enjoy it, specially when I listen to their testimonies, the reason why they accepting Jesus, their life before accepting Jesus, and on and on.... It was awesome. I have my own quiet time to think about a lot of things in that very moment. I have this questions for a long time and finally I found it tonight. People will thing I am crazy and dumb, because it's actually very easy answer and it has the logic. BUT for some reason I never got in to that point, I was blind. I found myself get into more trouble when I draw myself near to God. One time I was at the point that I said to God... "Ok God, I probably just let my life a little normal, and not to crazy about You. Because every time I pray harder and read your words every single day, I end up having more burden and harder things to go through". This time is the same thing. As I am going through the desert, I try to draw myself near God, but it seems like the problems keep coming and never ending. I am almost back off a little bit, until tonight, when I am finally got the answer. The answer makes me decide to stay where I am today, to keep myself closer and closer to HIM. The answer was simply the Satan doesn't like the fact that I am close to HIM.

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Ephesians 6:10-12

Last month I am applying for a federal job. I submitted my resume couple days before the dateline. After a week or so, I got a letter from the agency saying that my application has been rejected, simply because I am not meeting the dateline, my document was late. I was angry, because I worked hard to put all the essay together and whatever they said wasn't true at all. I even keep the receipt from the post office as the evidence that I sent it couple days early. So I called and asked them about my application. The answered made me even mad. This is what they said, " well, this is a government office, it could be get in to the wrong place for several days, sometimes it didn't come right away in to our office. It could be in the mail room. I am like... how in the world should I know that. Aren't you supposed to see the date on the stamp. Anyway, she keep saying that, and I finally had nothing to say. It's not going to change anything and it's not worth it argue about it, because all she know is.... she is right. I pray and I said to God, if this is meant for me and this is for me. It was one of the battle.

I feel that right now God is teaching me to be humble. It's n0t an easy process. It's killing me. Listening to their testimonies today make my first love to God growing. God made me remember when the first time I fall in love with Him. I see things differently. I worship Him, adore Him, do whatever He says. What changed now? I starting to understand a little by a little.

Going through hard time like this is not easy. I need friends to pray for me. I need friends that I can share my burden. I need friends that encourage me. But guess what? It is not easy at all. Most of friends that I know is super busy with their own life, activities, etc. Whenever they called, I only can manage to talk to them 2 mins before they got interrupted with their kids or other things. Usually it ends after... Hi, how are you. Hahahaha.... I started to feel lonely. But then an 8th grader said... when I know Jesus, He become my best friend. I can share everything with Him. Its struck me. I'm like why I never treat Him like one? I shared a lot with Him, but I feel like I treated Him like a scary, intimidated God. Not a loving, friendly and care God. Again...now I understand about being a friend of God. My secret safe with Him, He will never judge me, He will never disappointed me, He will always by my side each and every time I needed Him, He will never walk away from me, He will never too busy for me, He will always there 24 hours for me without interruption, He will never get tired of listening to me. You tell me all the characteristics about having a best friend... He is more than qualified.

God not just teaching me about being humble, but He is also teaching me how to have relationship with Him. I am always in the ministry. Have a ministry. But I treat the ministry as a job, not my passion, not something I do because I love God, but more things that I have to do. That is absolutely sad. Now I understand !!

Thank you God for today. I am not regretting every minute I had in that room watching all the people being baptized. I am hoping next time I see more than 30 people that come to the Lord and accepting Jesus as their savior. What a great gift their received today.