Welcome to "Becoming"

Give Up

2010-01-27T22:03:00.002-05:00

It's been 3 days since I post my blog. I know I promise to write everyday. But it looks like I have to be real. Haha....I don't think I have the energy to write everyday. With 3 kids to take care of. It's just too ambitious. Plus my husband been working on a project for the last couple days and using the laptop. My laptop is still under repairment, since it crashed couple months ago. I hope I can get it back soon, so we don't have to fight to use the computer.

Yesterday, I finally finished my book. I feel blessed with that book. "Brave heart" written by Sharon really encourage me to love people extravagantly. In the last chapter she was talking about letting go our hopes and let God working in our lives freely. I know I have a big expectation and hopes towards my husband and kids. Specially my oldest son. I know he is capable in a lot of way, but sometimes I just forgot that he is only (almost) 7 years old, sometimes he is still think like a child. I just have to let God work in him. Building up our relationship. The same thing with my husband. Yes I do have expectation towards him, but I can't push it anymore. If I want him to change, then I am the one that have to do it first. It's not easy, but I believe that God will give me wisdom and strength to do it.

Today I am starting the journey of Love Dare. I can imagine my days would be really hard. I will struggle a lot, but this time I put my hopes in Him. I want Him to restore me in the way He wants. I feel like this year I will have to go through a lot of process. Well, God never promise it will be easy to follow Him, so....I was agreed to take that risk and here I am doing His command.

I hope my friends will support and pray hard for me. ;p Without their guidance and support, it will be hard.

Time to sleep. After listening to President's speech ... ;p

Love is patient ... !

Breakfast at the Dutch Market

2010-01-23T23:38:00.002-05:00

Finally, after so many times trying to have breakfast over the weekend, we finally made it. We went to the Dutch Market to have a nice, home made breakfast. The Pancake, toast, home fries and ham were delicious. We really enjoy it.

Today Daniella made me so proud of her. She finally said Please? hahaha..... that is the cutest. We all cheered for her. She was so proud of herself too...she laughed a lot. I figured earlier that when I praise them a lot, they made tremendous progress in a lot of things. Specially for Nicole....I have to keep motivate her to do things. It is funny to see both girls, when they are not sure to do a new thing, they will look to each other and see what happened if they try it. If Daniella not sure if she will like something to eat, she will look at Nicole to see if she is eating it too. That is just too cute. I feel like they trust each other. hahaha.... I enjoy seeing them do that.

Nicole will turn 3 in two months. I still can't believe it. She is growing too fast. We still debating whether we are going to put her in a toddler bed or not. I still can't really trust her yet, although now she is climbing her crib. Sometimes I found out a lot of toys or books a night before at Daniella's crib and it will be at her crib in the morning. So I wonder she actually climbed out and got in to Daniella's crib and went back to hers. Crazy girl!!

Watching them growing make me want to stay at home again and homeschool them. I figure it will be awesome to be able to homeschool the three of them. As from now I am trying to look at different kind of options. Hoping I can just stay at home and teach them. Pray hard for it.

Anyway, I better go to bed and enjoy my TV....

Nighty night...

Weekend is coming

2010-01-22T21:54:00.003-05:00

For the past couple weeks...I've been thinking a lot about extravagant love. Sometimes I feel like I get it, but sometimes I am just loosing it. It is so hard to do it. Sometimes I get confuse. This evening I was thinking to make a group of women to learn about extravagant love. Hoping that we can encourage each other so we don't keep falling and keep spreading our loves to people surround us. I wish doing it is so easy.

It's not only takes time. But draining all the energy, emotion and time too. I think once it's become your lifestyle, it will be easier, because it is part of you, meaning you are a new person now. Well, it looks like long way to go... but I guess I have to keep have the courage to do it.

I can't be happier than tomorrow is Saturday. We are planning to go to Dutch Market for breakfast. I will be fun. I love going out for breakfast on weekends. It is nice. I guess get up in the morning is part of me now.

I hope you all have a great weekend.
Take good care....

Unthinkable

2010-01-21T23:16:00.007-05:00

I spent most of my day reading story about Scott Brown, a new US senate for Massachusetts. It was an amazing race. An unpredictable victory. I read all the comments from all the different media. They uses different kind of term to express themselves from being shock for his victory. One word that I like the most is 'unthinkable'. The dictionary define the unthinkable word as : not capable of being grasp by the mind ; and the second one is being contrary with what is reasonable, desire or probable; being out of question.
Yes his victory is definitely an unthinkable. It changes a lot of things. Not just for the 'seat's for people', but it will changes the whole country. For years Massachusetts can't never be able to have a Republican senate, but Scott Brown made his name carved everywhere. He made it for the first time after about more than one decade.

Somehow I thought we are like that. We easily underestimate what God can do for us. We just want something that predictable. We want something that we can easily guess where things will go. But we never expect something big and different would happen in our lives. Well, this is may be something beyond his mind too. Because looking at his speech and his reaction how excited he will be going to Washington DC. It was unthinkable. He might change US. Let's hope for the best.

Last night as I am thinking about all the politicians that had to admit their adultery, it's very sad. We should started to pray for our leader. Specially a good one. The one that still fight with their conscience. Pray for their family in specific, so that they can keep their faithfulness to their wives.

God bless every leader...!!

Excitement of being parents

2010-01-20T21:37:00.002-05:00

Tonight we were visiting our friend that just had a baby. They just came home on Sunday. This is their first baby. I can totally see the excitement on their face. The excitement become parents. It is an un-explainable feelings. I kinda recalled my first feeling when I had my first. I mean, even when I had my second and third, I still have that excitement. Although I am tired from the sleepless nights, I still wanted to hold my baby and enjoy it. It is so precious. The 9 months of pregnancy paid off, when I saw my babies.

Being a parent is not something we've been taught at school or any education institution. It is a learning process through our lives that we will pass it on from generation to generation. I feel like I still have a long road ahead of me. Going through all the traffic road, long and windy road, and road with hills. It is not going to be an easy one.

When the first time I have to deal with my son to go through his infancy and toddler hood stage, it was hard. It was our first, of course we were clueless about a lot of things, but we prayed that God will give us wisdom how to handle him. We learn through books, shared with friends, etc. We managed to get out from that stages pretty well. It hasn't stop there yet. We still have another 2 to go. Now I have 2 toddlers to deal with. Nicole is not a terrible one, but of course she has her own characters and way to do things, same with Daniella too. Jeremy now need more attention since he is at school a lot.

Every day, on the train I am thinking how in the world can I manage to share my time between work, husband and three kids? God isn't it impossible. Every time I got home, I barely alive. ;p But I have to be alive for them. Play with them, listen to their stories, bathe them, read for them, and all the possibility things you can do for them, yet it's never enough. I notice when my son doesn't get enough attention at home, he will starting acting out at school. He will come home with "yellow" sign for his report of the day. Every morning we try to warn him, stay on green please. Even Nicole remember to warn him, that is how often we say it. Haha....she is a little mom.

I still feel like I am still lucky because at least I was able to spend a pretty good amount of years within my children's life. The investment that I made, makes me know my children really well. I know what they need, how to talk to them, what is their battles, I can assure you that I know what they would and wouldn't do. Specially Jeremy. I thank God for that. It makes me keep making an effort to be care to my children. We try to set dates with our children. I did dates with Jeremy alone and occasionally with Nicole.

A lot of people take the parenthood for granted, they have no idea how precious and valuable it is to be parents. I have a friend in Australia that shared the same value with me. For us our children are very important. She is a first time mom also, but she just awesome. Her goal is to raise a Godly and honor children. I know it wasn't easy for her, but she did manage to do it. Her humbleness to learn make the blessing keep pouring upon her. She also pray everyday asking for wisdom isn't it amazing?. Not just that, she did all of that, with no maids, sitters and she even work. She have the choice to live comfortably if she wants, but she put her family first. That makes her a noble woman. Just like woman in Proverbs 31. I really admire her extraordinary love for her family.

On the other hand, I heard a lot of story how spoil some of the parents are. They can get all the help as they wanted. Sitters, maids, families, and friends, but they just wasting it. They abandon the relationship with their children. The value being parents become a cultural and 'a must to do' thing. As long as the children get fed well, get nice birthday party, get the newest toys, or nice clothes, they are well raise and they are a success parents. How sad it is, knowing the fact that their children are actually a human being with feelings, emotion needs, and have character within them that needs to be develop.

When we have ridiculous story to tell between us, we will scream and sometimes speechless. We heard some moms actually proud how good is their sitter managing their children. It drive us nuts. Since we know what is our principle.

Don't get me wrong. Not that I never enjoy that luxury living. I used to have sitter and maid when I only have my son. But I was able to set up a boundaries between my sitter and me. Whenever I get home, she rest and my son is all mine. I fed him, bathe him,and read for him. When we are on vacation, I put my sitter on vacation too. I will never take them with me. I even let them go to the mall every other week. So we can have quality time together, just the 3 of us. Every hour I called from work just to make sure she is following the schedule that I gave it to her. The meanest part is.... I fired them, once they made a mistake, well, I tolerate it 2 mistakes. First reason is I think they are being disrespect with my rules, second of all because I don't want my son get to attached with the caregiver. I remember one time I have to go out of town, I didn't have any sitter at that time, my husband finally took care of my son by himself. Guess what? It was do able. And I was so proud of him. We weren't depend on the sitter. All we need to do is sacrifice ourselves and not being lazy.

I wish parents more aware about their future, not just academic future, but their character and how they will turn out become a person. That is what important.

Parents please think about your vision for your family. Then you can come down with what kind of family you want to have?

Good night everyone.

Tired Day

2010-01-19T22:06:00.002-05:00

I guess I lost count the day. For some reason I thought my last entry was on Sunday. Which I thought I only skip a day. But I was wrong. I had a really long day. Sunday I was doing errand, ... groceries shopping mostly. I had fun with Nicole. I always try to take her a long with me when I do my shopping. Beside I get to spend time with her, I can actually teach her a lot of things while going out with her. And the last thing I hate to do is ... Cooking. But I was able to manage myself cooking for the whole week menu. I know... it's a lot.

Nicole said a lot of funny thing. That precious talked, I will not forget it. As soon as we get in to the car, she said, Mommy I want to read the music. Made my laughed, I said, Mommy I want to listen to music. Then on the way home, I guess I put the heater to high, her comment was ... Mommy I can smell hot. I was confused at first with what she meant, but then I realized she meant she is hot. That is so cute. I love the stage where they are trying to put words together, sometimes they use it in the wrong situation or wrong meaning. But they are learning. Just like I am still learning English.

The past two days just crazy. I don't have the energy to write. I made a commitment to come home earlier , so I get to spend my time with my husband and kids. I just want to enjoy them. Time is precious, without you realized it will fly away.

Anyway, I have nothing much to talk today. Even if I have, I hardly can survive now, I just took 3 pills of Advil for my back pain. It looks like knock me out now. So I better go to sleep.

Will post more tomorrow. Have a great night.

A little relaxing weekend

2010-01-16T21:16:00.002-05:00

After very tense week, I went out of town with a friend. We stay overnight in a hotel. I felt really good. It was very relaxing. We talked all night, shared stories and our hearts. We end the gate away with shopping at the outlet. We went to Arundel Mills Outlet in Hanover, we had lunch and the best part of it, we were able to control ourselves. It wasn't compulsive shopping, we got what we need with really good bargain. So we were happy about it.

Now I try to make strategies to prevent sickness in the house. LOL ... not fun at all. The easiest step will be wash hands as often as we could. Specially if we just coming back from outside. Suddenly I fell like Monk! ( If you know that TV series called Monk, the OCD's detective). Also the food that she is going to eat. It get me thinking too, since Jeremy and Nicole going to have their birthday soon, I will want them to check their blood.

Well, the bottom line is ... our life is getting back to normal, although we keep in our mind that one day a chaos will happen and we wanted to be on standby mode. This is exactly what the bible tell us, to be alert, because we don't know when God will be coming. I feel like He use this situation to kinda picture it out.

It's 930pm, I wanted to be in bed with my husband and watch a movie. So, I better stop now and will write again tomorrow.

Enjoy your weekend!

Neutropenia

2010-01-16T00:34:00.001-05:00

This is exactly what the doctor told us. This is what Daniella have right now. I put some of simple explanation by Wikipedia. I think it is easy to understand.
Neutropenia - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia: "Neutropenia (adjective neutropenic), from Latin prefix neutro- and Greek suffix -πενία (deficiency) is a hematological disorder characterized by an abnormally low number of neutrophils, the most important type of white blood cell, in the blood. Neutrophils usually make up 50-70% of circulating white blood cells and serve as the primary defense against infections by destroying bacteria in the blood. Hence, patients with neutropenia are more susceptible to bacterial infections and, without prompt medical attention, the condition may become life-threatening (neutropenic sepsis).
Neutropenia can be acute or chronic depending on the duration of the illness. A patient has chronic neutropenia if the condition lasts for longer than 3 months. It is sometimes used interchangeably with the term leukopenia ('deficit in the number of white blood cells'), as neutrophils are the most abundant leukocytes, but neutropenia is more properly considered a subset of leukopenia as a whole.
There are numerous causes of neutropenia that can roughly be divided between either problems in the production of the cells by the bone marrow and destruction of the cells elsewhere in the body. Treatment depends on the nature of the cause, and emphasis is placed on the prevention and treatment of infection."

On the other hand we are a little relief that Daniella's condition is not that bad yet. Although, the doctor confirm that she has that disordered because he test her blood again today to make sure it's right. I like the doctor. I love him very much and looks like he is someone that I would let treating my daughter. He looks like he is in his mid age to get ready to retired, but still very diligent, wise,patience and very observant. We were very satisfied with his observation and suggestions.

He said if he met Daniella in different condition, he would suggest different direction, but since he met Daniella in happy and healthy condition, he is totally suggesting another way. For now there is nothing we can do about it. We just have to wait for her progress. Since she can't fight the infection by herself, we have to be very cautious when she get fever, we have to admit her to the hospital. That alone is very scary, it's like something big and yes it is a big deal for her. We can no longer put her on tylenol or motrin and wait until 3 days. She will going to need immediate medical attention. Also, when she has cold after 2 courses of antibiotics she doesn't get well, we need to take her to her specialist to shot her and help her killing the bacteria. It breaks my heart. I just really don't think I am ready for this. This afternoon when the doctor try to draw her blood, it looks like she knew what is going to happen. She didn't cry when the nurse try to find her vein to poke the needle in. Poor girl. She suddenly get use to it and many more will come. I can't imagine it. This is finally answering my question too about how it takes her forever to recover from a cold. As the matter fact, everytime she has fever, motrin and tylenol won't help too much. It only help for the 1-2 hours for her. Also the fact that she get sick easily and need more antibiotics for her cold. Now we understand more about her body.

I think God has purposed in this situation. Although I don't know exactly what, but I'm sure that this will put my family hold our hands tighter together to face whatever in front of us. As her parents we definitely start to get down to our knees and pray for our children. Also it is an exercise for us to put our faith more in Him, the one that holds our future. Think about it, sometimes we take it for granted to have kids. We have kids but we forget that we are not just feeding them food but also nourish them, spend time with them, talk to them, raise them well, and so many things to do with them. Not knowing how long our children will live, make us preserved the moment as much as we could.

Please continue to pray for the miracle and also hopefully she doesn't have to go through scary moment in her life. Although, I can't guarantee that she will not get sick forever (it will be the ideal!) but at least she can minimize it. I hope for our friends not to get offended if we will get really strict about not getting close to sick kids or not to have people to come over with common cold. It's kinda overreacting, but we just never know what could happen. I think the most stressful part would be if she needs to go to the hospital, we still have another 2 children that need to be taking care. We don't have family that we can call anytime. That is what really scares me. Pray for that too.

It will looks like living in the bubble. But I still let her play in the playground, although my heart sank when I think of a lot of things for the consequences. Again I want to let her enjoy her childhood. Today we have a warmer day, I let her play in the playground and she really enjoy it. We thank God that she survive the first year of her life without we realized it. God had been protecting her and He will be. All the glory and praises just for Him. She belongs to Him.

Thanks for all the prayers and concern. God bless you .... !!

Emotion

2010-01-14T08:03:00.003-05:00

I skip a day of my blog last night. I just couldn't help myself to write yesterday. The whole day was really energy draining. I came to the office at 7am yesterday. Around 9am, the doctor called me and told me Daniella's lab result. It was heartbreaking to me. The fact that her lab test still the same like the first one, really hit me. Suddenly, I just want to run home and do nothing. As the doctor referred a Hematology & Oncology specialist, I tried to call and make an appointment. The doctor is not available until the next 2 weeks. And her doctor told me it is too long to wait, knowing her blood work result is really need immediate attention. So I search all the docs in my county, I hardly can find one. So I called her doctor back and she referred us to Children hospital. I called the hospital and thank God they can give us an appointment this Friday. I just realized that, there are only 2 docs in the county that specialized in Pediatric Hematology and Oncology. Crazy....! But knowing that she can get the appointment soon. It is a big relief.

Daniella had been a pretty challenging baby, since she was born. She wasn't coping with a lot of things well. She also been sick a lot since she was born. Unlike Jeremy or Nicole, they are more tough in fighting the illness. For the past month, the doc have to give her antibiotic for 20 days in a row, because she just keep getting sick and wouldn't heal well. We never suspicious about it. It is all start from her first year old check up. As usual we did blood count and some extra test because she wasn't gained a lot of weight, knowing she eats and sleeps well. The doctor just wanted to rule out some of the suspicious matter. Want to make sure that she is actually normal. But it turn out that her blood work is all over chart. I am personally never see that kind of test result before.

I think after I searched and try to find out about her diseases, I was able to calm myself down a little bit. At least I can put my mind in rest until tomorrow. Although, I am not lying that I am a bit nervous if she get sick. Because she can't have any fever right now, at least not until we find out how to treat her. I can only pray for her. She is the sweetest thing ever. Smart and lovable.

I will update what is going on tomorrow. Hope everything will turn out well.
Thanks for all the prayers and support. I really appreciate it. God bless...

Bad Mood

2010-01-12T22:21:00.003-05:00

This morning I took Daniella to the lab to draw her blood. It was cute when Nicole decided to watch her. I was afraid that she will get nervous when she sees Daniella cry. But she said no mommy, I want to see Lila. Daniella was calm knowing her sister was there. It's funny, because the first time when it was only the two of us, she was freak out and cry right away as soon as she sees the chair. This time was different. For some reason, Nicole was entertained her well. Nicole said to her "It's ok lila, you will be ok, you are going to get sticker". She smiled at her, and Daniella smiled and talk back to her ( I don't know what she said!). Not until the nurse poke her arm, she cried, she called me...Mama..., but her cried wasn't too long. She was happy again.

It was so cute to see how they can comfort each other and love each other. I know I am kinda brain washed my kids. I told them so often, that they have to love, care and stick together as siblings. Nicole and Jeremy always care and think of each other when they are not together. I do hope it will continue until they grown up.

I have a mood swing today. I feel like my emotion got mixed up together. All the happy, excited, sad, nervous feeling get mixed up. So many random things happened at once today. I just don't know how to sort it out. But the most upset thing that happened was when I got home. This thing had been going on for several years now, but till today, haven't been solved yet. Very disappointing and annoying. I wish this get solved soon and I don't want to face it again. Sometimes people just need to learn about boundaries.

Tonight I have to sleep early I have to get up super early tomorrow. Hope things are getting better tomorrow. O...I think I haven't finish talking about my resolution. Hahaha....
Get distracted over the past days. I will get back on that hopefully tomorrow. ;p

Nighty nighty....

His Joke

2010-01-11T23:41:00.005-05:00

I am so happy today because when I tried one of my old jeans, it fit me! I feel like I wanted to run and scream around my apartment complex. LOL.... It is almost 3 years, all the size 2 jeans being kept in the boxes. I am dying to wear them. Finally the day has come. I should celebrate it !

For those who read my blog, please pray for my big day tomorrow. I think God has a big sense of humor towards me. Daniella had a blood test last week and the result wasn't good at all. To be honest, I never see that kind of result before. Too scary for 13 months old cutie. ;p It looks like God just want to play peek a boo with me. Tomorrow I am going to take her back to the lab and re-do the test. I really hope the second test will improve a lot. Only God knows what is going on with her body. After giving me all this emotion...I hope God will say, I got you! ;p

Tonight is the first night we are going back to our positive routine. Hahaha....yeah...there are bad routines that formed without you realize. We agree to turn off the TV at least for an hour and actually talk and do devotion. It is now our number one priority and not negotiable. It is fun actually that we got to talk and share things that happened all day.

Well, I need to go to bed and get myself ready for tomorrow. Hope God will end His joke. ;p I love you Jesus.... just like my three little angels do love you.

Good nite...

Busyness

2010-01-10T20:40:00.003-05:00

Ok...I'm not breaking my promise by skipping writing my blog for the past 2 days. I was out of town for the weekend with my husband. It was a great trip. We went down to Lynchburg to meet our friends and also to refresh our mind and relationship.

Living with 3 kids, hectic work schedule, and maintain the house is not easy and very restless. It's like working 24/7 non stop. We feel like we starting to become roommate, a roommate that shared everything. Share kids, bills, house, .... you name it...LOL... Well, it's not funny. ;p

It was kinda weird going places without the kids. This morning when we went to the church...We usually have to get up at least 2 hours before and still have to rush to the church. This morning, it only took us 30 mins to get ready and I feel like for the first time, we entered the church before they start and we actually can prepare ourselves before it start. Super nice....

One thing that I realized, we are very easy to get trap in our busyness world. If you feed them, its just never stop. You just always busy and busy all the time. It's like your core life...BUSY! and you started to have your comfort in that busyness. I know I don't want to take my relationship with my husband for granted. I dream to spend the rest of my life with him and have the adventure of my life with him. SO I will not let my busyness world let go all that dream. We have to started to investing our time, emotion, energy and just about anything to each other. I don't want end up to be a stranger one day.

Coming back from the 2 days trip, we talked about a lot of things ... It feels good. Being refresh in our marriage just make everything much easier, we can plan for our future better --- although God is in control ---, we still need to plan for our family. I have something to look forward. We will become a better spouse to each other and to God. We starting to lay down some serious things, some core value in our marriage that will hold our marriage stronger, make some commitment and stick to it.

So, I am not backing off, just rest for a little bit. I will come back again tomorrow!

Hope you all have a great week.

The best investment in life is when you invest in your marriage and children.

Bullies

2010-01-07T22:54:00.003-05:00

Today we had New Year Party at our office. It was fun and very relaxing. Of course with plenty of yummy food. Some of them are actually cooked in the office. Hahaha.... too wild ;p

Anyway, I found out today my youngest cutie girl actually walk all day. I am so excited for her, she finally can wonder around the house, walking! Yey..... Gosh they are growing too fast !!

This morning when I wake up, I received a group email from my son's class. One of the parent mention about a topic that had been brought up in a radio, pointing specifically to our kids school. She is kinda worry about it. She want to make sure that every kids are able to report any kind of bullying at school. I talked to my son often, if someone bullying him, he must tell us or the teacher. We have to solve the problem if that is happening.

As I look at in the dictionary what the word "bullies" means, here what I got : A person who is habitually cruel or overbearing, especially to smaller or weaker people. I've been thinking all day, that this is actually not just happening at school. It is happening everywhere, without we realize, we as an adult probably have different term of it. If you think about it, don't you sometime feel left out in certain group of people?

In workplace this is easy to find. We easily get caught with the situation of bullying someone without realizing it. Start with gossiping, judging, eliminate them and killing their characters. That is probably the worst. In adult stage we probably will not use psychical to bully someone, but we use words. When was the last time you actually honestly praising your co worker or friends? When was the last time you can remember, you are in the middle of conversation, then someone came, then you stop right away. Or you share your life loudly, but when someone that heard your story commented on your story and you weren't happy about it, because the story meant for someone else. Isn't it categorize as bullying too? because whether you realize it or not, it become a pattern of your character and a habit that happen over and over again.

Becareful with your bullying life. I am trying to think about myself too, hoping I dont have that habit in my life. Let's don't bring Middle School in adult life. As God command us to be kind to each other.

Angry

2010-01-06T22:44:00.003-05:00

Today I came home early, I was so tired and sleepy, didn't get much sleep last night. I only slept for 4 hours and had a long day. Beside, I missed my girls and my boy. I wanted to spend my time with them. As I preparing dinner, I saw Nicole go back and forward to the kitchen. She make sure she got spoon and fork and drink. As I watch her, I am amazed how she is already grown up to be a little girl. she is not a toddler anymore. She is very independent. She can do almost everything by herself. The most impressive thing for me is she can clean up very well. I always nervous about her. I always asked God if she will be turn out ok and I feel guilty leaving her for work. But God is good. He hears my prayers to my kids. I try not to worry too much.

Lately I feel like my patience is being tested. Specially towards the kids. I get annoyed easily and angry. Although I didn't let the anger stay until the next day. I still try really hard to control myself.

At work I have a very annoying co-worker. I really do not know what is his problem. But he always looking for my mistakes or even every body's mistake. Today I gave up with him. For so long I've been very patience and go whatever he is asking. But today, I am just so tired to actually following his stupid request. I ignoring him and my friend took care of it. I wonder why people are working without using common sense?

I did feel guilty because I was thinking well, God did ask us to forgive people so many times. Why can't I give him a chance and just let this go and be patience. I was convicted with that. But as I walk towards my office, I thought to myself, I am a human being that have emotion and feeling. It is ok for me to feel that way, as long as I am conscious about it. That it why we need God and friends to help us to go through hard time.

I want to try to be patience with my kids. Sometimes I do yell at them. But then I regret it later. It's not easy to be able to control our anger. But as our age adding, we should be more wise to find out how to control ourselves. It is make a lot of different in people's life, sometimes we don't know what we say in our anger towards someone. What we did might hurt someone and we don't realize it.

Remember that God asked us so many time to forgive people, why don't we try....

S.O.S

2010-01-06T00:03:00.002-05:00

Time is ticking so fast. Is it almost second week of January? ;p When I was a little kid, I used to watch this show called "The end of this world" (I think). This story about a girl that can switch bad thing into a good one. Her most powerful magic is stopping the time using her finger tip. Isn't cool, I always wanted that magic and dream if I can do that...I will stop the time and taking a long nap. Hahahaha....

Today I learn about Help! I helped one of my co-worker today and I notice that she was feeling uncomfortable with the help that I gave it to her. She wasn't sure if she wanted to received my help. I figure, some people does feel weird when they get help. I was that way too. When we moved here 4 years ago, for the first 2 years, it was hard for me to ask for help. I almost can't do it. Until I finally realize, how arrogant I am never asking people for help. I beat myself up by doing things all by myself. I realized when we used to lived back home, we have 2 maids and a driver, so we never need friends for help. The part of being humble to ask for help never appeared in my life. Slow but sure, I am starting to ask people around to watch my kids, asking them to do some other stuff that I can't do. I feel great, plus one of the lady told me that she feel blessed when she help people. She feel grateful that she can help someone, when someone asking for help, she feels like she's been giving an opportunity to help. I didn't understand by then...but I finally got it.

By helping people I always feel great, I feel like I am accomplished something. I used to use a lot of excuses that I am busy with kids and family and I don't have time. I actually could, I just have to manage myself better. With taking care of myself, I can do more things. Eat properly, exercising, get enough sleep. My mom always said that I like to turn the world upside down. I turn morning into night and the other way around. I am a night owl, my creativity comes at night time, along with quietness. ;p

Anyway, my other resolution this year will be exercising and diet. Last year I was successfully cut 45lbs in a year. This year I only need 10 lbs. I am sure I can do it. One of my effort is, I try to walk for 20 mins, at lunch time. I usually walk around The Mall, with all the nice view.

Try to take a small step to help people around you. Sometimes it doesn't take a lot of effort, you could buy something for a friend that need it. For example, you know your friend is sick and she needed a medicine, you can just simply help her to buy it. I am sure it will make her day. ;p

Gooood night !

Singing

2010-01-04T23:45:00.002-05:00

Tonight I was in Vienna, VA for a concert. It was fun and I really enjoy it. I sang all of the songs because I know the songs and I love it. Andre Hehanussa was the main act. About 10 years ago, I was one of his backing vocal for his concert. So I was so thrilled to know he is in town. He is one of the famous artist from Indonesia. Along with that, there was Shakila, she is also one of the well known artist from Indonesia, she reside to VA since she was married to an American. Tonight I got a chance to told her that I am one of her fan, in fact I used to sing her song. I really had a great time. It was a blast. I dance and sing. I totally will sleep well tonight.

I love singing. Every time I am sad, stress, desperate, down, I always run to music. I express myself with music. For some reason it is just really soothing me. Since I am in US, for the past 4 years, I hardly sing. It's like one of my passion, although it's not a main one.

I really hoping that one day I can sing in church and lead a worship. Fun and funky worship. It is just the way I wanted to praise my God. With the talent that He already provided me.

Some people starting to ask me to sing. This time I will not pass it, I will definitely take it as my chance. I will not let myself down anymore and I will try to be confidence. I always remember a parable from bible, 3 men with money, only one that actually came back and double the money. That is exactly why God give each of us talents/gifts, it is for us to use and to bless others.

Give what you have, don't just keep it for yourself. Someone can always enjoy it.

Decision...decision....

2010-01-03T22:03:00.003-05:00

Tomorrow is already Monday, my least favorite day. I am going to have a long day tomorrow. So I am preparing myself for tomorrow. Entering the third day of January...I looking on what I am going to do this weekend and the next, my weekend already booked for the rest of the month. Gosh....I didn't even realize until I stand in front of my calendar and look at it. Time flies so fast. Part of me still not ready yet, although I know I am going to have an adventure for this year and looking forward for it.

Today I am thinking about taking a big decision that I have to make. But this time, I don't have the guidelines and totally clueless. I am totally blank. I don't know what to do. Something to look forward is I am going to have someone helping me out for this. We are going down to Lynchburg, Virginia to visit a wonderful friends of ours. The good thing is...it will only me and my husband. It is a totally BIG treat for us. I think we need this refreshment. Just the two of us, refreshing our relationship. We hardly even go just the two of us. 'The two of us' runaway totally will be the first time in 2 years. It's been a long time. I know it will be really weird spending 2 nights without kids. But they will survive, I am preparing myself now!

Forget the BIG decision for now...I still have to talk about my resolution. I guess this will be my resolution #3. Ever since I am working in DC, my perspective of life has been changed. Things that I used to do and passion in finally come back to me. So good to be myself. For the past four years although it is hard, but I dont think that I did what I should have done. I don't think that I've done enough spreading the gospel and share about the love of God. I feel like I've been in the safe zone. I've been walking on the egg shell and being comfortable in the Christian circle.

Walking everyday on the street of DC, working in a big building with the diversity of people really opening my eyes. I've been very selfish for the longest time. Knowing some people need God in their life, I cant just close my eyes and walk passed it. For the first time after 4 years, I finally confessed my faith. I shared God in a bar. Talked about Him with someone who don't believe in anything.

With the recession starting on last year, I heard almost everyday in the news about it. It has a big impact in every individual, family, and society. Most of the non profit organization stated that people that used to donate stuff now become their recipient. Very sad. I can't bear my heart watching this situation anymore.

Couple nights ago, Jeremy asked me to pray with him. I couldn't resist his request. So I went in to the room with him. I asked what is his prayer request. He said he ask if God will bless us so we have more money, so we can help others in need. I feel like someone slap on my face hard. If a 6 years old can think about others, why I am being selfish? I really need to get off my butts and do something.

So here is resolution #3... I am going to volunteer in a non profit organization, helping distributing food and packing up in the ware house. I am going to do it with Jeremy. But since the requirement is 7 years old for the children that are going to help, I have another 30 days to go to wait until Jeremy is turning 7. But other than that, what I really want to do it volunteering to teach the kids in need. I found several foundation that has opening for it, I need to pray hard and find the one that God want me to do.

" Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed - not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence- continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose" Philippians 2 : 12-13

Have a great week everybody....!! You can change the world with Him who made you....

Organizing

2010-01-02T23:49:00.002-05:00

Entering the 2nd day of 2010, I am still trying to organizing my life. Hoping my life will get easier. I am planning to get more organize, specially in term to save money. Organizing all the bills, paper work, and advertisement. So I don't missed anything.
You will surprise if I said that I already wrap Nicole's gifts for her 3rd birthday in March. Never happened before. I bought the gifts when it was on sale a month ago.
I also starting to plan for Jeremy's birthday, summer vacation, summer camp... hahaha...I know it's a lot, but I feel good about it. Since I am working, I just have to be more organize, I don't have a lot of time anymore. I don't want end up spending my time cleaning up the house, organizing each week and less time for the kids. Organizing makes me feel good. I am almost done with all the organizing and I must say that I am proud of myself. Hahaha......
BUT one thing that I still trying to avoid, planning for food/meal. I don't like cook. It is so hard to think about what to cook. I have to take a deep breath and starting it. ;p

That's another resolution. Plan things better. That way, I can also save money and not being a impulsive shopper. For the past 6 months, I've been really careful with that and I did well. I haven't seen any junk or unused things being bought. All the stuff that I bought is what I need. Beside that I make sure what I purchased is on sale or have a good deal.

I need to keep discipline myself in order to be success. Hope all my laziness will go away. I am still fighting it. Wish me luck everybody....

Day 1 of 2010

2010-01-01T23:58:00.003-05:00

Knowing that I have goals for 2010 makes me have the energy and excitement to face my days. I feel like I know good things will happen in front of me. Regardless knowing failure will have the role in the process, I feel like I am ready.

Today, we invited some friends for lunch. It was a good one. It became one of my resolutions, trying to invite friends to come over for lunch or dinner, at least once a month. We really need to get to know people and have a relationship with them. I totally remember in 2009, for that whole year, we only invited 2 friends to come over for dinner. Which is really bad. I feel ashamed for it.

So I am starting to put some name in my list ... You could be the one...;p

Have a good start of the year .... !!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2010-01-01T00:22:00.003-05:00

Finally the New Year has come. Welcome to 2010. It's kinda weird how to write it...there is ONE in the middle instead of ZERO...

All of my family got up to welcome 2010, including Daniella the baby. We all excited and open the 2010 with a prayer. Thanking God for 2009. Although it was a hard journey, yet He is with us. Guiding us through the year. We are hoping the same thing.

Everybody kinda listing their resolution. I am always trying to make my resolution do-able with a little sense. Some of the goals need courage and hard work. I will try my best to do it.
This is one of my resolution....

I always wanted to write a book. An inspirational book, a devotion book, a real life book that can help people to go through their lives. I figure if I never start at all, when is this going to happen? I finally decide to be brave and commit to 365 days writing my blog as my journal. I really hope I can make it.

Other than that...I will write it as the day goes by. I don't have a long list, only couple bullet point, but it is important for me and hoping no recycling resolution next year....;p

HAPPY NEW YEAR everybody ! WELCOME 2010 !!!!

The days will tough and suffer, but with the Lord, all things are possible. Be strong in your faith and be perseverance.

A Brave Heart

2009-11-18T22:53:00.006-05:00

As I write this, I am listening to my favorite song when I was in Elementary school. It's a really old song, called First Love by Nika Costa. When I listened to that song back then, I wondering if one day I will ever find someone that can make me fall in love just like she describe in her song. The feeling of first love is unforgettable. All you can think is that person, the excitement in life, something you look forward to do. Every now and then I always wanted to feel that feeling over and over again. It's just very relaxing and peaceful to be able to feel that again.

I had struggled a lot for the last couple weeks. I was trying to recognize myself if there is something wrong with me. I was hurt, bitter and unloved. I started being sarcasm with people that say they love me. I was at a point get sick of it. I am so tired to hear that. Then I realized why? The word just a word, it meant nothing. There wasn't an act to it. It just something that people have to say. Words to end a conversation? Words to say because there is nothing to say or because they have to say it?

I kept searching if I can find the justification if that is ok for people just to say it without mean it. Or say it but never act on it. I have no luck to find it. Instead, I found that God told us to love each other, love your neighbor, even love your enemy. Is that possible for you to say I love you to your enemy? I don't think so, the only thing you can show it only by act on it. Acting on something to show them how much you love them. Words come out from the mouth just wasn't enough. I wonder how can you tell someone love you, if she never really do anything for you. I guess it is just like your husband or your boyfriend, they will do anything just to show how much they love you. An act of love.

Do I need extravagant love? A brave heart? A heart that can go through the dimension of love. Just sleeping under my blanket, not to get up in the morning and just dream about it. How fun that could be if I have a day to do it and can be fulfilled by it. ;p

How many women out there actually craving for love? Love that they want more and more and more...a never ending one. Why a lot of people can't understand how important it is to have a relationship? Share they feelings? Is that just me because I don't have family in here and all I can depend on is my friends? Why it is so hard just to spend 2 hours over a coffee one night? A night or two over 365 days? If you say you love them, is that hard to fulfilled? Words can be simple ... Quoting a song from Carol King " Words can hurt you, if you let them, people say them and forget them..." I guess that line of song is totally correct. People can just easily say that and then forget them.

Right now I am taking a big heavy step. A courage to put a step in front of my other feet. I want to have a brave heart. A heart that not just wanting being loved, but giving out my love. Fulfilling my passion that God had put it in my heart so I can love others. By not walking on egg shell anymore, open up a lot of chance for me to serve as myself. I am not worry anymore that I will fall and afraid someone will judge me. Having compassion to others truly help me to see another dimension of love, different side of love itself. It's been a really hard lesson for me to understand, but I think I got it at the end. May be I will try not to complain about it anymore. But I can't promise, I am a human being with feelings after all, and still need that love. But I will not let myself get disappointed with that. I believe that walking with Him, I will find it, someone will come in to my life and make me remember how it is to feel loved.

Arggghhhh...."Tell me Teddy Bear why love is so unfair, will I ever find a way and answered to my prayer?"

" Let's not just talk about love; let's practice real love. This is the only way we'll know we're truly living " ( I John 3:19, The Message )

Fall is Coming

2009-09-14T07:18:00.003-04:00

As the month has changed, every time I got out from the train, there is no longer the smell of summer breeze, instead it's a fall breeze. A very refreshing one... It's always reminded me the first time we came to US, our transit was in San Fransisco. Stepping out from the plane, the airport's air smells so good. The spring breeze in the morning mixed with the smell of the fresh brewed coffee. Looks like everybody ready to start the day. For some reason it's very memorable. Can't forget that.

It's 7am and I am already in the office. Still half asleep I think. It's been 2 months since I am working. Still not easy. *sigh*. I wish I can just let it go and work, without have to think about what is going on at home. But well,... I am not complaining, try to understand that 4 years stay at home can't be place in just 2 months. It is definitely take some time.

As usual, my life is full of drama. Sometimes I wish I can ask God to give me a break from this episode. ;p Last week my sitter went back home, her son is sick. Thank God I got the replacement right away. But she can't drive, so I have to go to work super early so I can pick up Jeremy.

Right now I am trying to create a blog just for the kids. I wanted them to have their own story written and be memorable. I will let you know once I published it. I hope it will bring a lot of inspiration and helpful information.

I will try to write again soon. I can't believe time has gone so fast. I hope everyone have a great week.

Wonderful Day

2009-08-13T08:56:00.002-04:00

As I reached the top of the street from the metro station, I can feel the nice breeze after couple days of hot and humid day. It is a beautiful morning. For some reason I have a great feeling inside me. Feeling optimistic facing my day and thank God for another new day for us. When I got in to my office, hardly people in there and it's nice. I decided to write and catch up with my journal that I had been abandon for a while.

Every day is special to me. It is always something happened in my days. Never passed it without a meaning in life. I feel that God teaching me everyday on the train while I sit and read and say my prayers. Train is my classroom, it is my devotion time. Time alone just me and God, ignoring people around me.

The past two days I was sick and didn't go to work. The girls and I had a terrible cold. Although I am sick, I valued every moment that I have with my kids. Even just for two whole days. It was precious. We had a great time. When I'm home, no TV all day. We did fun things together.

Lately the kids get in to fight a lot. I started to think that this is not a good sign having kids that keep fighting. So I said to them, let's make the rules in the house. I took a big poster card and let Jeremy and Nicole draw on the cardboard. They need to share. Hahaha....a little after 2 minutes, the fight starts. Gosh.... they yelled at each other... it turned out that Nicole took his part and draw on his part. So I talked to them. It is hard to make 2 years old understand thing. ;p But I think I have to. I said to both of them that they are brother and sister. They need to love each other and help each other. One day they will need each other. I want them to get close to each other. After they calm down, we start to write on that poster board. Start from number 1 ... I draw a big heart and say love .... ( Nicole said : caca! ) we laughed.... so I wrote love Caca, Jeremy and Daniella... I wanted to teach them to love each other. Love your siblings.
And it goes until number 11. Including : Do not fight, do not yelled at each other, clean up the mess, obey mommy and papi, help each other, say nice thing to each other, share things except it is a special thing, no lego on the floor, etc.

Here is how we play it : I made the big poster board to lay down the rules, then I made 8 vouchers, and have tokens. Every child that break the rule will get a token. At the end of the week we count the token, who gets the less token will receive a voucher. In a month, if they are able to have 4 vouchers, they will get a reward. They can buy anything they want for things that less than $5. Of course the big brother is very excited and Nicole had no clue. But she will learn. She has to learn to obey and listen and do positive things. I am glad that now they are thinking before they do or say things.

After that we took a wagon ride. It was fun. I borrowed a wagon from a friend. We are heading to the beach next week and wanted to bring that wagon. The kids loved the wagon ride. Mommy had to work hard to pull the 3 of them. I had a wonderful day. What a precious moment.

I miss my previlage to be able to stay at home. Hope this won't last long and I will be able to stay at home again, or at least work from home.

Have a wonderful day everyone.

Responsible

2009-07-22T07:40:00.006-04:00

I know it's has been awhile since I'm blogging. Although I have a lot in mind to write, but I just can't squeeze my time in to writing lately. It is driving me crazy when I can't blog. I think the space in my mind is about to be full soon. ;p I wanted to share some of my experience that I had been going through lately. It wasn't an easy one. Well, since when I have an easy experience. But again, I learn my lesson from this event.

I used to think that every adult know about responsibility. But I guess I was wrong. Totally wrong. Since I have kids, I realized that responsibility is something I have to teach them and plant in to them, so they know what is responsible is about when they grow up.

About a year ago, I met one of Indonesian friend in here. She is a well-known person back home. (or may be not) Although her fame is not through herself, but she had a very famous husband. Anyway, the reason I met her just because I was trying to help a friend that needed her and was looking for her. There is when the contact started.

The first time I met her, I had a pretty good impression. After couple meetings, she introduced me her business to me. It's a jewelry business that I am doing now. It is a good business and I enjoy doing it to be honest. Beside it's making a good profit, I got to do it with my best friend and it's so much fun doing it with her.

After couple months knowing her, she asked me to do her a favor. She wanted to have an iPhone through AT&T but couldn't open one account because she doesn't have - either good credit or no credit at all. I asked her couple time if that what she really need, because if you are not a business woman that needed 24 hours connection, it's just a waste, cause you have to pay monthly fee for that. For single mother with 2 teenagers that are going to college at the same time in the following year, I don't think it's necessary. Well, she insisted that she want one and firm about it. So we trusted her.

The first payment was late. I didn't say anything hoping she will contact me to let me know whether she is going to pay it or not or at least let me know if she will be late. But after couple days passed by, I finally called her because I wasn't hear anything from her. Come to my surprised that she actually more angry than I do. (Isn't amazing?) I starting to wonder....Am I the one that owed her? or the other way around? She gave me 1000 pages of her 'to do' list which I don't care, because, that time I also had a very crazy life. I just had a baby, we just moved to a new apartment. Now, I have to be a debt collector? Anyway, couple days after that, she stop by and gave me couple checks for the next couple months.

This month when the bill is due, I cashed the check. Couple days later while I was checking my bank account, I was so confused why there is a returned deposit check plus the fee. Knowing that it's my checking account to pay the bills I don't have a lot of extra money in there. So I called the bank and they told me that the check I deposited is no good. The account in that bank is closed. My natural reaction was - of course - mad !! Not just because the check is returned, but the fact that I have to pay all the fee and messes my account.

I told her what is happening. Instead of apologizing and promising will pay it soon. She argue with me about it. O my goodness. Can people go crazier than that. She said that she swear that she is always remember to put money on that date, or may be I was cashing it the same time as she paid her insurance for $300. Again...who cares? All I know that the check has been returned. Couple days I haven't hear from her about what she is going to do. So I called AT&T to transfer the account or disconnect it. She was freaked out when we did conference call. Typical of her....excuses are always her best bet. She said I can't afford to pay the deposit because I have to pay the rent, insurance, bla...bla...bla....( I don't know what she is saying anymore, cause with all her lists, I put away the phone). So I said to her...look...relax, just let them process the transfer. If you are not eligible for the account, then we disconnect the service as simple as that. We will pay for it first and you just pay us back. She is agreed to it. That night we disconnected the service and cost us $125 to break the contract.

My husband told me she will not going to pay this. So he said, why don't we just take her iPhone, since she won't be able to use it anyway. Not so much because we wanted to use it. We don't! But he just think this is the fair thing to do. She bought the iPhone for $200 with contract, now we pay $125 to break her contract, he thinks it's fair. I didn't agree just because I wanted her to learn a lesson, being responsible.

The next morning, as I sat on the train to work, I read my bible. That day when I opened my bible it was Romans 2 about righteous judgment. It is about teaching us we need to show His kindness, tolerance and patience because God is our judge, not us. Well, you probably need to read the whole thing to make this connect to the story. Anyway, I felt that God ask me to do this for His goodness. So as soon as I got in to my office, I told my husband that I agreed to do what he suggested. I text that woman telling her that we wanted to help her financially. I said, you don't have to pay us back $125, but it would be fair if we trade with the cellphone. You can pay all the charges divided in to 2 months. But I guess I was wrong, once again, she was mad! Hahaha...........I just laughed this time, I was speechless. I said to God, look, I did my best. I try to do the right thing. But it didn't work. If I was her I will take the offered, because it's only half of what she owed. In total she owed about $300. Look, if she is struggling financially we definitely can talk. But as far as I know, she always make a poor priority. She just came back from Hawaii with her daughter, I know the trip was her reward. But again, you still have to spend some money while you were there right? And if you are struggling a lot, because her kids goes to college this year, wouldn't be a right thing to do just to cash the trip and save the money or pay all your debt. That is what bothering me.

Well, I don't want to go to any further details anymore. Until today it is not solve yet. But again I learned my lesson. God teaches me a lot of things and it made come to the understanding of being a Christian. Being a Christian not just about how many hours you put in prayers, reading bible, attending Christian conferences, church and put your days in to fasting if you do not have the character of Christ. I was angry with God for a little just because this woman put herself so high in Christ. She always attending conferences out of town, she told me how many hours she pray, how long she is fasting, etc. But all of that didn't matter because she is not showing her character as she suppose to be. One night while I was pumping, I feel like God said " Look, if I never let you go through this event, you will end up the same. You can praise and read the bible everyday, but you are not showing my character, it will be useless". I am so glad that God lead me along the way. I did finally realize that as much as I wanted to help people and have compassion and being a woman of influence, but if it is not naturally grow, I will struggling and end up keeping a lot of bitterness in my heart. Again, I have to thank God for this. For He is good and always have reasons for things. Things aren't easy, but with Christ I can go through it.

"But because of your stubbornness and your unrepentant heart, you are storing up wrath against yourself for the day of God's wrath, when his righteous judgment will be revealed. God will give to each person according to what he has done. To those who by persistence in doing good seek glory, honor and immortality, he will give eternal life " Romans 2:5-7

New Beginning

2009-07-06T15:03:00.003-04:00

This morning as I drove to the train station at 6am, I got the chance to see the beautiful sunrise. In front of me as the sun come out from the east, I thanked God as He fulfilled His promised each and everyday. Suddenly, I can feel His presence through the beautiful nature that He created. I can't stop worship Him, as my tears rolling down to my cheek, I take this as a sign for me to start a new beginning of my life.

As you all know that I've been struggling with a lot of things for the past couple months. It wasn't an easy one, yet through God that gave me strength, I was able to passed it. In fact I can see the wonder of His work through the hard time. Relaying 100% everything on Him, was the right thing to do.

He planned everything so well, I couldn't even help myself to draw away from Him anymore. The long commute that I have to go through everyday, gives me a chance to read His words. I have at least 2 hours of my quiet time on the train. I don't like the commute and the fact that it's wasting my time by taking me away from my kids. All I can do is praying for their protection.

Today, I just want to thank God for all He had done in my life. Everytime I turn my head in each direction, I can see Him doing something great for me. He opened a lot opportunity for us. I can't be more thankful to have Him in my life.

Thank you Jesus.

Song of the season

2009-06-10T23:10:00.002-04:00

I picked this song because it is really reflecting what I am going through right now. All I can do is waiting. Here is the lyrics...

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will waitYes,
I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

By : John Waller

Finally...

2009-06-10T21:53:00.006-04:00

I finally walk in to the sanctuary. After a long day and tempting to not going because of the rain, I managed to get out of the door just in time. After rushing the kids having dinner of course.

I was a little late when I got there. There was a baptism going on. It turn out today is a baptism service. I never really excited about going to a baptism service. If I know it will be one, I probably decided not to come. For some reason I thought it is boring. So.... I was ready to hear the pastor preach, and look down to the bulletin to find out how many people will get baptized. And... it was 30 people...hahaha....I thought to myself "great, now I'm stuck" I come to see the baptism of the people that I don't know.

As the service goes by, I starting to enjoy it, specially when I listen to their testimonies, the reason why they accepting Jesus, their life before accepting Jesus, and on and on.... It was awesome. I have my own quiet time to think about a lot of things in that very moment. I have this questions for a long time and finally I found it tonight. People will thing I am crazy and dumb, because it's actually very easy answer and it has the logic. BUT for some reason I never got in to that point, I was blind. I found myself get into more trouble when I draw myself near to God. One time I was at the point that I said to God... "Ok God, I probably just let my life a little normal, and not to crazy about You. Because every time I pray harder and read your words every single day, I end up having more burden and harder things to go through". This time is the same thing. As I am going through the desert, I try to draw myself near God, but it seems like the problems keep coming and never ending. I am almost back off a little bit, until tonight, when I am finally got the answer. The answer makes me decide to stay where I am today, to keep myself closer and closer to HIM. The answer was simply the Satan doesn't like the fact that I am close to HIM.

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Ephesians 6:10-12

Last month I am applying for a federal job. I submitted my resume couple days before the dateline. After a week or so, I got a letter from the agency saying that my application has been rejected, simply because I am not meeting the dateline, my document was late. I was angry, because I worked hard to put all the essay together and whatever they said wasn't true at all. I even keep the receipt from the post office as the evidence that I sent it couple days early. So I called and asked them about my application. The answered made me even mad. This is what they said, " well, this is a government office, it could be get in to the wrong place for several days, sometimes it didn't come right away in to our office. It could be in the mail room. I am like... how in the world should I know that. Aren't you supposed to see the date on the stamp. Anyway, she keep saying that, and I finally had nothing to say. It's not going to change anything and it's not worth it argue about it, because all she know is.... she is right. I pray and I said to God, if this is meant for me and this is for me. It was one of the battle.

I feel that right now God is teaching me to be humble. It's n0t an easy process. It's killing me. Listening to their testimonies today make my first love to God growing. God made me remember when the first time I fall in love with Him. I see things differently. I worship Him, adore Him, do whatever He says. What changed now? I starting to understand a little by a little.

Going through hard time like this is not easy. I need friends to pray for me. I need friends that I can share my burden. I need friends that encourage me. But guess what? It is not easy at all. Most of friends that I know is super busy with their own life, activities, etc. Whenever they called, I only can manage to talk to them 2 mins before they got interrupted with their kids or other things. Usually it ends after... Hi, how are you. Hahahaha.... I started to feel lonely. But then an 8th grader said... when I know Jesus, He become my best friend. I can share everything with Him. Its struck me. I'm like why I never treat Him like one? I shared a lot with Him, but I feel like I treated Him like a scary, intimidated God. Not a loving, friendly and care God. Again...now I understand about being a friend of God. My secret safe with Him, He will never judge me, He will never disappointed me, He will always by my side each and every time I needed Him, He will never walk away from me, He will never too busy for me, He will always there 24 hours for me without interruption, He will never get tired of listening to me. You tell me all the characteristics about having a best friend... He is more than qualified.

God not just teaching me about being humble, but He is also teaching me how to have relationship with Him. I am always in the ministry. Have a ministry. But I treat the ministry as a job, not my passion, not something I do because I love God, but more things that I have to do. That is absolutely sad. Now I understand !!

Thank you God for today. I am not regretting every minute I had in that room watching all the people being baptized. I am hoping next time I see more than 30 people that come to the Lord and accepting Jesus as their savior. What a great gift their received today.

Goosssiippp....

2009-06-03T22:20:00.003-04:00

About 4 years ago, in September, suddenly my cellphone received a lot of text messages and my YM appeared with some messages too. I received the news with my heartbeat racing really fast. Everyone told me that my name and my pictures were all over the news. It was on either television or tabloid/newspaper. There was a rumor that spread out, me, being the 3rd person in some one's marriage. Wasn't a proud news for me. The funny thing was, I was already in US for 4 months by that time and it was about 9 months I didn't in contact with that person anymore. My relationship with him was pure professional relations.

It was a big chaos. My mom got interviewed, some of my family wasn't very happy about it. I was definitely angry, specially when I saw what the wife had to say about me. It wasn't a good one. I was so far away and all I could do just silence. I feel like my pride was destroyed, angry, unappreciated, low self-esteem and all my feelings was mixed up together. Once again, there wasn't a lot that I could do that time. Well, as the matter fact, I could encounter or speak for myself, but I chose to silent.

The only thing that I remembered that time was a text message that came from my dad. He wrote this to me : " I trust you". My dad and I wasn't very close. We speak couple times in a year. We see each other may be twice a year. But that day, it was a very touched moment and encouraging words that he sent it to me. Those words are powerful. I can have all the world judging me that time cause they don't know me, but the most important thing was my dad trusted me. Although he didn't exactly know what was going on, but he choose to trust me. It was very nice of him.

This gossip was out twice. That September was the first time. After they couldn't find any evidence supporting the rumors, it was finally slow down. A year later, the wife filed for divorce, and once again my name was involved. This time I just sat down and watched and smile. It was something that didn't make sense. They end up survived and got back together. I was happy to hear that.

After couple years went by, suddenly last week, one of my friend YM me, she said " there is a big news in here". My heart raced again, I wonder what happened again this time. She said " the wife get caught cheating". This time the husband filed for divorced. To be honest with you, that time I probably the cruelest person in the world. I laughed and happy. Well, not because they got divorced, but finally the truth had came out. I never really waited for this time. I can't believe that is actually happening. I feel sad for the husband though. But again, I am glad that I leaved everything to God.

That day when things happened at the first place, I learnt that gossiping is a cruel thing to do. I promised myself not to gossip about anyone anymore, specially when I am not sure about the truth. Gossip is hurtful. You can actually destroying people's life by doing it. I am glad that I didn't respond it further that day. The revenge is God. I let God revealed the truth.

Let's start not gossiping about anyone. Put yourself in that position when you start to think about it.

Dream

2009-06-02T21:40:00.002-04:00

I took a deep breath and I feel this is the time. I've been here for 4 years now. I feel like I've been living in the desert for that long. Wondering around, walking around, guessing around and finally tired of it. But this time, I think this is it. I need to pursue my dream. Something that I've been wanting to do for so long, as the matter fact since I was in High School. But I kept putting it behind me and waited for the right time to do it. I figured there will never be a right time. So, couple days ago, I decided to enroll myself at Liberty University pursuing my Master Degree in Professional Counseling. This is something that I would love to do one day when my kids are growing up and doesn't need as much attention like right now.

I know this will be a hard challenge. Well, I never would imagine my life is actually getting easier anyway. So I think I'm up to it. No matter how hard it is, I can do it. God willing He will provide anything I need. Financially, strenght, support, wisdom and seriously anything I need, I believe He will fulfilled that. I just need to work hard. So if any of you know any organization, institution, any resources that giving away scholarship, let me know. ;p

It is a dilemma for me, on the other hand I wanted to raise my kids without any intteruption in life. HAH!! Wonder I could do that. But, I also believe that I have to develop the talent, passion and gift that God had already put in me. For the past 2 years, every single morning, I always sitting in front of my computer, emailing and chatting with different people that needed help, encouragement, advice, etc. I love doing it. It's my passion to be able to set people free and excited about their life and finding the purpose, that is the most important one. Well, it doesn't mean mine is perfect. As a human being I sometimes fall short too. Not just sometimes, a lot. Haha....

I am very excited about this and I am hoping that God will make a way. Again, if this is something He wants me to do, He will open the door for me. Just wish me luck...!!

Good night everyone.....

Weekend

2009-06-01T09:39:00.002-04:00

This weekend I decided to take the kids out, since we've been sick for almost 2 weeks. I think they need fresh air. So on Saturday, after lunch, the first destination was library. Yes, I took the chance taking 3 kids to the library, I know it will be a disaster taking Nicole to library and I never wrong about it. But I have to do it anyway. Luckily that Daniella was fall asleep on the way there.

In the library I let Nicole down before she scream and yelling at her brother, because the brother got to walk around and she doesn't. But still, she can't be in the library, she is super loud when she get excited. We found some books for her and she is happy about it. I made it really quick one, Jeremy got what he want right away. As usually chapter book of Star Wars, like there is no other chapter book in the whole library. I was able to managed myself to get some books for me to read. I've been wanting to do it for a long time and finally got some.

When we went out from the door, I know I had to feed Daniella, so I said to Jeremy let's play in the water fountain for a little bit. I was hesitated for a little bit cause I don't want them to get wet. But then I thought, well, who cares if they get wet. It's a nice day and I just don't want to worry about anything. It's not a big deal to get wet and I just let them be kids...

At first Nicole was hesitated to get near the water. It was one of the fountain that you can run around and the water came up from the ground, just like splash water. The kids can actually get wet and they are allowed to run around the fountain and play with the water. Nicole watched what Jeremy was doing. She wasn't sure until I finished feed Daniella and walked with her. She was so thrilled when she finally not too afraid to play with the water. She end up got really wet. But I am so happy that they had a great time. Both of them were playing well and I am glad that they had the moment with each other. Nothing can make me happy when I saw they laughed so free.

After we finished, there was a man standing selling snow cone. Jeremy wanted one. So I said to him, ask the man how much is it? So he went and asked. It was $2. I said, well I don't think I have $2. I know I have $1 bill and I looked for change and found .50 extra in my wallet. So I said to him, well, I don't have enough money, but you could ask that man if he would sell it to you for $1.50. So he went. And the man was kindly said yes. I finally found $1.70 in my wallet. Hah! The man asked me if I wanted another one, when he saw Nicole. I said no...I'll be fine, I don't have enough money with me. But he can't resist to see that little girl waiting in the line hoping to get one too. Hahaha.... Nicole didn't want to share the snow cone with her brother. She thought she is going to have one too. The man finally made one for her. It was very nice of him. I'm so glad that there is still a nice man out there. ;p They both were so happy. They talked about the snow cone and what kind of flavor they got. It makes my heart melt. I don't care all the syrups was all over their shirt. Who cares. We sat down and enjoy the snow cone. Hahahaha..........

We spent 5 hours out that day. I took them to playground and played for an hour. Nicole got to play in her favorite swing and so did Daniella. On the way home they all so tired and took a nap in the car. While I run to get dinner. What a nice day. It was hot but had a really nice breeze. It was a perfect day.

Word of the day

2009-05-30T03:58:00.002-04:00

I wanted to try to write or quotes the words that the kids has been saying. Some of them are funny and I wanted to put it on so one day when we look back we can laugh about it.

The other day Nicole made me so angry for drewing on the wall. She did it twice. The one she drew was above her crib and everyday when she go to bed, she always pointing at the wall she drew. One day I asked her...

Nicole : Pointing on the wall...

Mom : Who did that !

Nicole : Monkey... ( she is our monkey!)

Another morning for Nicole :

She keeps jump and run back and forth. I feel like dizzy watching her doing it. So while she is running, I asked her...

Mommy : Are you boy or girl?

Nicole : I'm Aca ( that's her nick name, she called herself that.)

Tonight the girls went to bed early, I think they are really tired. So it was a quiet night. Only Jeremy that still up and he is doing his homework and finishing some coloring. He came to me and asked me...

Jeremy : Mommy, does coloring count as an exercise? Like...finger exercise?

Mommy : Hhhmmmmm.....I dont think so.... ( well, I probably could say yes! but exercise for fingers? )

Have a great weekend...!

Scammed

2009-05-27T00:14:00.006-04:00

Writing this story isn't easy at all. I double dare myself to bring this story up, not because I want to selfpity myself, but I believe that God has purposed for this. The reason I share this will be because I want to show HIS faithfulness and protection in my life.

About a month ago, I was looking for a job. We thought it would be nice to have extra money, specially after my husband get laid off couple months ago makes us realized nothing are really secured in this recesion year. So we decided to have an alternative.

It wasn't easy at all for me to find a job. I wasn't apply just for any job, but I am looking for a job that have convinience, close to home, flexible schedule and possibilty work from home. Again after 4 years being a stay home mom, it is hard for me to think about leaving my kids. Specially Daniella, she is still a baby.

Anyway, after searching and searching, one day I found an interesting one. It was too good to be true. Yet, I tried. I applied. It was a personal assistant position. It says that I can work from home and help him to do some errands and any list of jobs that he wants the applicant to do. I thought it was the perfect one. I can earn money and stay at home with the kids. A week later, I got a response, he thinks that my background is perfect with what he is looking for. He wanted to give it a try. And this is where the disaster begin....

The first two weeks, he emailed me couple stuff to do, he said I will receive checks and he wanted me to cash it and send it to an orphanage. The first time everything seems ok. I was able to cashed it. Several weeks later, he said I am going to receive another one. For some reason, that day after I received the package, I decided to go to the bank that I usually go. I know the teller and she always be a friend to me. She always help me in anyway I needed. So I came to her and told her I wanted to cash the checks. She tried to processed it, it didnt go through. I gave her all of it for her to try. Still didn't work. She asked me if I want to just deposit it and withdrawn the money after I deposit the check. BUT she told me how thing works. I decided not to do anything with it. When that happened, my heart starting to race. I knew for sure I am losing my money from the previous one. I was so angry and hoping this is just a mistake. I email the man and he YM me back, he said that he read my email and didn't understand what I was talking about. So I started to ask questions, like where he got the checks. I probably dumb...as dumb as I could be. Again, I was hoping this is just a mistake. He just told me it was from a client. No further explaination. I am trying so hard not to type cursing word to him.

That Night I reported the incident to an organization that works along with FBI. Along with that, I was praying hard and think hard whether I should report to the local police or not and thinking who can I trust. That night I realized I was being scammed. I did a lot of research and sadly it is very common. I don't know why I did not know that. I feel that I was blind until this far. I have no idea about scamming and counterfeit checks or money order. No clue. I didnt even know how it works. I couldn't sleep at all that night. All my feelings are mixed together. Since I had a long night ahead of me, I posted all the stuff that I wanted to sell online. Thing that I've been wanting to do, but I never get a chance and I finally did it that night.

The next day, I received an email from a prospective buyer. From her email, it looked like she works for the government. So I called her back. She didn't pick up her phone, so I left her a message. That afternoon, she stopped by to pick up the stuff that she wanted. We chat for a little bit and I asked her what is she doing. She told me she is a police officer. It blown me up... I said, you are here for a reason. I told her my story and the funny thing is, she is working on investigation cyber crime. She wrote down all the information I have and promised me to check it up for me and will write a police report for me. What a day! I couldn't believe that happened the next day when I need it. God really lay His hands upon me.

Despite of all my feelings...dumb, stupid, betrayed, angry, not confidence, you name it! I just want him to know that he is not smarter than I am. I am smart enough to choose the right way of earning money, smart enough not to use people's hard work to fullfil my needs, a selfish one, smart enough to choose a better life not to live in fear, and not to live on top of people's suffered. Scamming people is the most ridicuolus job. No matter what the reason is. We are the victim is in the same position in needing money to survive, yet we pay for something that we do not own. Above all I am smart enough to know that I have my God that protected me along the way to passed this experience. God had allowed me to go through this for a reason. Although it is a very expensive one.

After this incident happened, I feel that God bless our family more. He provide everything we need. Seriously, everything... I know He has planned something big in front of us. We just have to wait and perseverance. I also wanted to thank my sister - Monique-, without her, I will never be recover again. Thank you so much for picking up every pieces of me when I am having the hardest time in my life. Your prayer and encouragement are great power for me to be alive again. Thank you for always cheers me up and make sure I am doing ok. As you said sis, revenge is belong to God. As it is written in Romans 12:19 ; "Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay,"says the Lord". I only can sit still and wait for God to do His part. In His time, it will end up worth it to go through all this. I just need to sharpen my discernment next time. Thank God for His protection not to fall twice and I could end up in bigger trouble.

For I know the plans I have for you,"declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and future". Jeremiah 29:11

Take one day....

2009-04-04T00:01:00.010-04:00

Couple months ago, while I was changing Daniella's diaper... I was in tear, I don't know if it's a tear of joy, sad or just a moment of emotional. Having 3rd baby without any family member wasn't easy at all. Prior to that, we moved twice within 2 months, so it was before and after I gave birth. It took all my energy, emotionally and psychically. I was so exhausted. I was truly a zombie. I think my friend once asked me, how many hours do you actually sleep. I said, I have no idea. So that day - for some reason -, I think I was flashing back the time when Nicole was born. I had no idea how we can survived. I remember telling my husband...is ok honey, take one day at the time, we can go through this, try to survive today. He had to go back to work the next day after I came home from hospital, so he never took day off to help me.

Then suddenly she is turned 1, and now she is 2. I feel like I am repeating a moment again. But this time, again, I am repeating the same word to my husband...hang in there, take one day at the time. We survived before, now we can do it. Now my little angel is 6 months old already and she is just too precious to complain about. Everytime I see her and hold her, I saw God's greatest creation. I just can't stop worshipping Him for what He has done to our family. Giving us the strenght to go through hard time.

Time just flew by so fast. This time we survived. We went through the sleepless night phase, when she turn 4 months she finally sleep through the night. I remember that night we celebrate and I told my husband...finally our hard work is fruitful. We finally can be a normal person, sleep in proper time. Again...this feeling...that keep coming back and forth, the feeling that wanted to be with my family is killing me. Specially after my mom see the kid's picture on Facebook, she will make comment that breaks my heart. Her comment about her desire to hold the baby. Oooo..... I wish Indonesia is only a mile away.

All I can do is just waiting. Waiting for the right time to go back home. I just wish it's not too late ... and I believe in His time, it is never too late.

Iseng

2009-03-27T01:38:00.004-04:00

Dah lama banget nggak update blog. Sebenarnya dari Februari kemaren pengen banget bisa nulis, tapi nggak sempat2. Ini aja niatin banget, abis mikir2 tanggung dah begadang tapi tidak menghasilkan kan sia2 jadinya hasil begadangnya. Benernya rencananya dah mau tidur dari jam 12 tadi, tapi alhasil dah jam 1.40 pagi masih blm merem juga. Ampun deh... Padahal seharusnya kesempatan tidur ini dipergunakan sebaik2nya. Soalnya Daniella dah berapa hari ini dah nggak bangun lagi malam. Tidunya dah lumayan panjang.

Mau nulis apa juga bingung...sebenernya banyak tapi dah malam gini, dah malas juga nulis yg pake mikir. hahahaha...

Hari ini Jeremy nggak masuk sekolah, soalnya tadi malam dia ngeluh perutnya sakit sampe nangis2. Tadinya dah mau dibawa ke ER, tapi pikir2 tunggu deh sejam lagi kalau dia masih nangis2 baru dibawa ke ER. Tapi ternyata dia bisa tidur setelah dipindahin ke kamar gue. Ah, mang dasar mau tidur bareng maminya aja. haha....berhubung lagi banyak virus yg beredar akhirnya pagi ini dirumahkan saja deh. Trus suami gue jg masuk siang abisnya dia kira jeremy mau dibawa ke dokter, nah yang ada gue pergunakan kesempatan ini buat bawa Nicole ke lab, buat tes alerginya dia sama ambil darah buat blood count. Soalnya kalau gue bawa serombongan ke lab itu kan biasa nungguny lama, nah takut kelamaan nanti daniella nangis, kan repot. Bener aja tadi nunggu di lab sejaman lebih. Dia sampe dah bosen. Dari rumah udah dibilangin kalau bakal disuntik dan sakti dikit. Dia sih nggak ngerti, sampe di lab juga diwanti lagi dikasih tau bakalan sakit, boleh nangis...tapi jangan teriak2. Soalnya dia itu kalau nangis kenceng banget dan suka teriak. Dia sih masih have no idea. Sampe pas giliran dia duduk di kursi panas, kayanya dia baru tau...pas dia liat jarum suntik di siapin....dia dah ...." mommy au...au..." Kata gue, iya sakit nggak apa cuma sebentar, nanti dikasih stiker princess. Untung pas dimasukin jarum dia nggak nangis kenceng. Cuma nangis2 kecil gitu aja. Sedangkan gue terus2an ngomong ke dia,... it's ok, bentar lagi selesai. Yang ada darahnya diambil 3 tubes. Lumayan juga. Tapi sakitnya terobatin setelah dikasih stiker princess. Langsung ketawa dia dan bye2 sama nursenya. Dasar...!!

Pulang2 senang banget dapat stiker princess, langsung laporan dunk sama papinya. Trus dipamerin juga ke brothernya. Lucu banget. Anak itu kadang2 lucu, kadang2 nyebelin. hahaha....

Kalau Jeremy dirumah enak banget. Daniella bisa tidur siang di cribnya,Nicole tidur siangnya bisa pas jam 2. Kalau Jeremy sekolah, Daniella tidur siangnya kudu ditaruh di car seat, Nicole tidur siang mulai jam 12.30. Soalnya jam 3 teng kudu jemput Jeremy. Daniella kalau lg tidur siang dipindahin ke car seat suka marah. Jd lsg taruh aja kalau dah tidur, pas mau pergi tinggal diangkat. Udah mana dia makin berat. Kalau nggak nenteng car seat diluar masih dingin, malahan repot. Tangan ini dah makin berotot aja nenteng car seat disebelah kanan, gendong Nicole disebelah kiri. Habisnya kalau Nic ngak digendong suka kehilangan arah dia. Bukannya langsung masuk ke mobil, malah jalan sana sini, yang ada kudu ngejer dia. Padahal pagi2 kita suka buru2. hehehe..... Plus maminya bisa tidur siang kalau Jeremy nggak sekolah. That's the best part. Duh udah nggak sabar nunggu diluar panas. At least itu tutupan car seat dah bisa dibuka. Ampun deh gue dah gerah dengan dingin.... hehehe gerah bukannya panas ya? Belum lagi kalau keluar kudu pakai jaket semua. Repot deh....

Daniella skrg dah makin aware sama sekeliling. Dia dah mulai senang main sama Nicole meski lebih sering dianiaya sama Nicole. Hahaha....buat Nicole adiknya itu kaya boneka. Suka banget colokin matanya. Heran....mang boneka bisa dibuka tutup matanya. Kalau Jeremy skrg dah bisa gendong Daniella. Tapi gue kadang masih ngeri. Tapi kadang gua kasih dia pindahin Daniella dari lantai ke bouncernya. So far sih oke lah...meski lucu. Kayanya si Daniella lbh gede dari kakaknya. hahahaha.....

Anyway, time to go to sleep. Untung besok Jumat. Jumat itu always the best day. Kalau mikir Jumat kayanya lbh santai. Lebih tenang menjalani hari. hahaha....
Enjoy your day.

Family Trip to storage

2009-02-08T23:07:00.002-05:00

The last two days has been a great day. I hope it will remain that way. The weather was great. It was warm... up to high 50's. Can't wait until Spring.

Today I finally manage myself to get up and went to church. Although that I am end up in the nursery as usual but it was fun, got to talk to some ladies in the nursery. Always fun to talk and share things.

We were planning to go to IKEA after church but then we decided to have lunch at home first and go. I know it will never happen. Once we get home, we will never want to go out again, and I was right. Everybody was taking nap. Daniella did great too. She slept from 2 until 4.30pm. I did too. hahahha....It was great. Never had that quiet nap for so long. After everyone got up we went up to grocery store. I need to get some vegetables and meat for a week. My husband was on the phone when he dropped us. So I had to went inside by myself with 3 kids. It's always makes me nervous entering grocery store with 3 kids. It's like a work out. But this time I manage it well. I got Daniella in baby bjorn, Nicole in the cart and Jeremy can walk. I made him do something for me so he doesn't wondering around and stays with me.

There was one woman, she was pregnant. She saw be carried Daniella and asked me how old is she. She said ' Is she your daughter?' I said yes. Then I went back to my cart where Nicole was waiting for me. Then the woman approached me and asked me again, is she your daughter? Pointing Nicole. I said yes. Then she saw Jeremy, before she ask I said yes. She laughed and shook her head. She may be thought that I am crazy, having 3 little kids going shopping. I just laughed. Nothing I can do really.

I can say the shopping went well, until we got in to cashier, Nicole starting to break down because she wanted to open her biscuit and I am not allowing her to open. I asked her to wait until we got in to car. But luckily it wasn't so bad. She calm down a little bit and I rushed her really quick outside before she really scream. *piuh*

After that we went to the storage. I need to get the girls clothes. Next month already March, and I can't wait for it. It means Spring is coming. I have to get ready for their clothes, I want to make sure that Daniella and Nicole got what they need. So my husband made me down from the car and went in to the storage with 3 kids. There was someone in there and he laughed at us. He said, how fun coming to storage with 3 kids. Yeahhh......!!

My husband joke ... family trip to storage. We can do it every week. It's fun. Hah!!

He will be away for a week. Wish me luck and survive with all of them by myself. Pray that I can still have my sanity. ;p

Have a nice week.

Adult Night

2009-02-08T00:44:00.002-05:00

Finally today our dream come true. We talked about this a lot of times, but hardly ever happened. Our care group finally decided to have adult night, where we can actually have an adult conversation, we can actually finish up our sentences, we can have peaceful dinner and of course without interruption. It was nice having dinner with 4 couples at a friend house, no kids.

The first time I walked into the house, I feel really strange. Strange because, every other week when I stepped in to the house, I can hear the kids screaming, running around, or someone is crying. But tonight, it was so quite, no one running around the house, no screaming, and amazingly I went through 3.5 hours without someone calling me "Mommy". Don't get me wrong, I loved when my kids call me mommy, I feel need it. But having no one call me for 3.5 hours, it was really nice. My ears kinda had a break. ;p The only baby that came tonight was Daniella. I can't leave her yet, so she went a long with us. She was good. She slept and then when she got up she just really quiet and smile to everybody.

We talked and enjoyed our dinner that we ordered. It was Italian food. Yumm ... followed with the dessert ... cheesecake, apple pie and ice cream.

I think we feel a little strange, since we hardly can really talk , now that we have the opportunity we had no idea what to talk about. Funny. For our marriage's sake I think we need to start making date every now and then, so we can still have real communication to each other, instead of just talking things on the surface and all about kids. I can't remember when was the last time we went out together, may be 2 months ago. It's about the time to have another one ... again !

The Sound Of The Music...

2009-02-06T22:13:00.013-05:00

Gosh, it's been 2 months from the last time I post my blog. Time flies... I never get a chance to update my blog. With 3 little children, it's really eating up my days. But they are growing, just last Monday we were celebrating Jeremy's 6th birthday. I can't believe that my -used to be- baby is 6 now. Nicole will turn 2 next month. Daniella will be 3 months next week. She just born yesterday. Now she is 3 months. Unbelievable.

A lot of things happened in our household since the last time I wrote my blog. I wish I have more time to spend for my blog, I will write tons of the stories about the kids, my struggle with 3 kids, etc. But, one at a time. ;p

Let's start from the kiddos :

Jeremy still love his school, as the matter fact he just got his report card on Tuesday, and all of them were execellent. I was please with all his grades. So I really don't have to worry about school. This coming Wednesday he is going to have a presentation about his research on Dinasour. I will be there and watch him doing his presentation. I can't believe they are doing it in Kindergarten. Good for their lifetime skill. ;p

He just turn 6 couple days ago, he had loooooooong list for his bday present. Until now, he still can't decide what he really want. Since we are not having the party, we let him choose his bday present. Well, there will be a celebration at school on the 3rd week of February, so it will be fun for him to be able to celebrate with his friends.

Right now he is enjoying Daniella,when she is crying he will actually sing for her to calm her down. Sometimes it makes me laugh. I think it is so cute. He said he wanted Daniella stay as a baby. He doesn't want her to grow, he doesn't want more trouble like Nicole does to him. Poor guy !

Nicole still think she is the baby. She likes to steal Daniella's blankie and never want to share one. She has to had her blankie around when she watch her favorite show. She always wants whatever Daniella has....she also not very happy sharing her dad with her little sister. But sometimes she can be nice to her, every morning when we get ready to drop Jeremy to school, when I am trying to get Daniella ready in the car seat, she will hand me her blankie to put on top of her. She knows that. I think it's so cute. She is really has the character being the middle child. It seems like she was born as a middle child. She is developing a lot of words now. She is able to say things in english and indonesia. I love when I ask her to repeat what I said, sometimes she will totally sound it differently. That is the cutest thing. She likes to copy a lot of stuff. So I have to constantly remind Jeremy to do good things so she only follow the good one. Of course her parent too. I am trying to potty train her. She did a great job. She can pup in the toilet now, I hardly have a dirty diaper. Today I am being brave by putting just an underwear and she did great. No wet underwear, she told me when she needs to go. Hopefully by 2, she will be fully train. I'm crossing my finger. ;p

Daniella grow fast for sure. She will be 3 months soon. Where's the time goes? She sleep better now. As the matter fact, she doesn't cry as much as when she was younger when she trying to fall asleep. For one hour cried, now only 5 mins and she will fall asleep. Thank God. I am so used to hear her cry and I think I used to it just like I am listening to the music. Daniella is awake more during the day. I am hoping for a miracle she will sleep through the night soon. She's been doing great for the last couple nights. She slept for 6 hours straight. I really can't complain about it.

He granted my wish !!

2008-11-15T09:23:00.011-05:00

Ups, it's been a month I haven't update my blog. Time flies so fast and I didn't realize a lot of things going on within a month. I will try to get back and count backward what is going on in life.

Well, we have a big news to share. After 37 weeks being pregnant, she finally here. Welcome to our family baby Daniella Malia. She was born on November 14th. She weight 6.15lbs and 20,5 inches long. Jeremy and Nicole were so happy to have a new sister. In my surprise, Nicole was so excited. When she saw the baby she pointing at her and said ' baby'. I asked if she wants to hold the baby and she said yes. So we let her to hold the baby. She treat her like a doll. When the baby tried to open her eyes, she laughed so hard. She thought it's hillarious. When we take the baby from her, she cried and still wanted to hold her. When her brother touch the baby, she said it's mine !! She probably think it's a real doll. hahaha...That's so cute.

I am glad that everyone is so love their sister. Seeing them so happy and excited for the new member of the family makes my heart feel gracious and blessed. God has been so good to our family. He gave me really precious family. Though they all different but they love each other as a brother and sister.

I will share about my interesting labor. It was quick and in my surprise. But I thank God that He granted my wishes. Although the pain is unbearable but it is a grace.

A week before, I went in to the hospital because of constant contraction. It was every 5 mins. But back then I only 36 weeks. So they didn't want me to have the baby, because it was too early. They told me to bed rest and wait for another week. By then I already 2 cm dialated. So I went home and take some rest for couple days. Try to make the contraction slow down.

And it worked.

The night before on Thursday, I felt that my back is killing me, and the contraction keep coming back and forth all day. But I thought, well, it's probably still another week to go. I even make plan for the next week to do some stuff, thinking may be the baby will born next week.

That night on Thursday night, after watching CSI I went to bed right away. So it was around 10pm I went to bed, because I am so tired. At 1.30am, I woke up because the contraction was so painful. I can't even flip to the other side. I tried to ignore it and go back to sleep, but I couldn't. The contraction is getting stronger and unbearable. So I finally sat on my bed and count my contraction. After constant 5 mins, and unbearable pain, I decided to take a shower. hahaha.....In the middle of the pain I still urged myself to get a shower. I woke my husband up and tell him we need to get ready to the hospital. He's like....ARE YOU SURE? I'm like....just get up and go. Not until an hour later we finally ready and go. We got in to the hospital at 3.10am. I barely even get out from the elevator, the pain was so strong. They took me right away to the labor room. They checked me right away and it was 5 cm. So they prepare everything, get things ready, which is take forever, .... they tried really hard to get the IV on, but it was too late. The contraction getting stronger and stronger. 35 mins later from 5 cm went to 9 cm. I didn't get a chance to get epidural. I cried and scream and I think I am loosing it. I was so tired and think I will not going to make it. But the nurse really help me to go through that moment, ... put me on oxygen, calm me down, help me with the breathing, and wait until the doctor come. In a minutes from 9cm went to 10cm and I am so ready to have the baby. I am so ready to push, but the doctor still not here yet. I scream and said, get the doctor here now, I can't wait anymore, the baby is about to come out. As soon as I saw the doctor in front of the door I just push without thinking anymore, I thought well, the doctor is here, he will have time to catch her. So I did push, when the doctor came back to the room after changing his clothes, he pull the baby's head right away. In 5 mins, 2 pushes she is out. O my goodness....it was a wild experience. Within 50 mins, we had the baby. We came in at 3.10 and the baby is out at 4.05am.

Remember I ever debating on whether I should use epidural or not, well, God answer my prayer. He let me went without epidural, yet He made things goes so fast. Not letting me suffered. In His time He knows what is best for me, yet the pain is....unbearable. But after seeing the baby it's all worth it. Praise the Lord.

Ice Cream Time

2008-09-29T22:10:00.012-04:00

Usually I always let myself get busy after picking up Jeremy. You know...it's time for them to have snack, preparing dinner, etc. I feel like between 4-6pm is a critical hours. Specially when you have other activity that evening. It's crazy.

So today I let myself enjoying the them and relax. I let both of them having an ice cream , just because mommy is craving for ice cream. hehehe.... We had a great time. We ate ice cream together in the kitchen, the kids starting to act silly. Specially my little girl, she has ice cream all over her mouth, it's so cute. Then we starting to sing, play the music and they all dancing like crazy. I sat there enjoying them and laugh with them. It was a fun evening. I thought to myself, I should to this more, enjoying them while I can. My chores can wait, but the moment that I have with them is different.

Here's some picture that I took, while they become silly.

It ends with helping mommy unload the dishwasher....!! Yey...!!!

Quiet Morning

2008-09-20T08:05:00.002-04:00

Today is Saturday, It's only 7.30am. Everyone still sleeping, which is great. Do not expect that in the weekdays. The chaos start at 7am. I got up early today because last night I went to bed at 8pm. hahaha......that is never happened before, but yesterday I had a loooong day and sooo tired. I just can't do anything anymore. So I decided to sleep early and I did it!

Yesterday was a crazy day. Whatever happened yesterday made me realize that I am in another stage on parenting with my 18 mos old little monster. When I said kids are different, THEY ARE different. I can see it clearly now. That little girl is just something. I have to start preparing myself to be in that parenting mode again. I think that's happened with Jeremy when he was about 24 months. But not this early. With this one...no matter punishement I give it to her, she just doesn't care, she just make fun of me. Yesterday, she starting to throw her tantrum when I said no. She will either cry as loud as she can or she will throw herself on the floor. When you let her outside, --- I am 7 months pregnant, --- have to run and chase her, because she doesn't understand S-T-O-P !! I grab her and put her on the floor, and tell her to look at me, and I said... when mommy said STOP it means STOP, do not run anymore and you have to listen mommy. She will nodd her head and when I asked her do you understand she will give her sign language YES !! But when I said it one more time that she need to listen mommy, she will give me a big smile and said Mommy and laugh. Gosh....!!

Another disaster last night,... she put the Wii remote control in the toilet. It drives my husband crazy. Seriously crazy. With all that chaos, we finally put her in the crib earlier just to calm her down. After we caught her playing in the other toilet. She is just too busy. I have enough chasing her around.

It's been a long time since I am trying to discipline 18 mos. I need to refresh my mind to think what should I do. It's easier to discipline Jeremy, since he is old enough to know what is he doing. I need a wisdom to really organize my life right now. With terrible two's and up coming baby, I don't know how it will play out. Sometimes I think I'm in denial and do not want to think about it, but then I realize I can't just let it go. At some point I have to work that out. What a life. ;p

Anyway, I just prayed that God give me a wisdom as a mom. Yesterday, when we have our women's bible study, one of the woman share, how she feels that everyday, she did nothing. I feel the same way too sometimes. My husband go to work everyday, doing something, he has check list of what to be done. But here I am, running here and there and yet the house is still a mess, the kids just keep asking for help, the dinner is hardly finished on time. I feel like I did nothing all day. Yet, the older woman, they encourage us by saying, you did something. You taking care of your kids. They are still young. That is your ministry to them. That is what God is calling you to do. So... I did feel better now. As a mom, I have to do tons of things. Cooking, Laundry, calming the fuzzy child, changing diapers, taking and picking up them to school, cleaning, doing dishes, groceries shopping, etc.... Gosh, I wish there are more than 24 hours a day. That will be great. ;p

Well, enough complaining!! I just have to cheer for myself today. ;p Thanking God for the things that He had given me, a wonderful family, great kids, and His trust for me to be a mommy!

Have a nice weekend !

Mommy ... I am ready!!

2008-09-11T22:41:00.002-04:00

There are a lot of things that I wanted to share, but I think this is the precious moment to share to everyone. So I wrote this first....another story will come later. ;p

After 2 weeks Jeremy been asking me about God, heaven and hell. He constantly asking me, no matter where we are, even in the morning, on the way to school with the traffic and my heavy eyes, when my mind didn't work at all, when I feel that I wanted to shout his mouth, he just keep asking and asking tons of questions. I also keep telling him, whenever you are ready to accept Jesus, tell mommy and daddy to pray for you.

Tonight on the way back from DC, after meeting with a friend, he suddenly asked us again about why people could die and leading to the heaven's conversation again, until he said, mommy I am ready to accept Jesus. I think I am almost cry. That is a very special moment for us as a parents to hear him to said that. This is a previlage for us as a parents that actually leading him to Jesus. It's been my prayer for a long time...... I always pray that God will allow me to lead my own child to Him. I don't want him to do it with anyone else except his parents.

That night although it's kinda late, but we took sometime to talk to him, explaining to him one more time about why he needs to accept Jesus. He seems to understand. Both of us pray for him and he repeat the prayer after my husband. Thank you God for the opportunity to be able to lead our child to you. It is such a precious gift for us. To be able to know God and believe in Him in his young age, I just feel honor for being his parent.

17 Mos Nicole

2008-09-04T13:39:00.010-04:00

Time flies, I can't believe that my baby girl will be 18 mos this month. She is a toddler now. Not a baby anymore. She also changed a lot. She understand things more than she does before.

There are couple things that she learn lately. First, she recognized the difference between trash in the kitchen and her diaper pail. Before she will throw all the trash in her diaper pail, but now she knows that only diaper goes to diaper pail, and regular trash goes to trash in the kitchen. For example, when she finished her snack she knows where to put the plastic's cracker. O she also know the difference between the hamper and diaper pail. Usually when I ask her to put her dirty clothes, she will put in her diaper pail, but now she knows where her dirty clothes goes. That is very exciting.

She also learn not to throw her plate, sippy cup,spoon and fork on the floor while eating. She used to do it and drives me crazy. Now, when her plate is empty she will hand it in to me. What a release for me not to clean all the mess anymore. She starting good at using spoon and fork too. Another cute thing is, whenever she is waiting for me to give her snack, she will find a corner in the kitchen and sit on the floor waiting for her bowl of snack. I think that is so cute. Well, sometimes she doesn't wait patiently.
She is a good eater. She will eat anything. If my pantry is open, my goodness, she will help herself with all the snacks. She will come to me and hand me a cereal bar and asked me to open it for her. Any kind of snack that she can get, she will ask me to open it for her. She is also a stealer. She will steal food from anybody. Specially unattended food on the table. She can just grab it. What a girl...!!

Potty train goes well so far, it's been couple weeks I almost never have pup in diaper. Yey...save the planet by saving diaper. Well, actually saving money from diapers. She loves sitting in the toilet now, cause we always play or read in the toilet. I show her flash card, toys and some books. So she is really enjoy it.

Another progress.... I've been teaching her sign language since she is 6 months. She finally now to do it properly now. At least now I understand when she start to communicate. Specially PLEASE and ALL DONE. Now I make her to give me sign PLEASE when she want something, although sometimes she can be really stubborn and do not want to do it, but I made her do it.

This is been going on a while, in her crib she has this musical kinda thing. When you pushed the blue shell the music will on. She loved it so much. She use it as a clue for me that she already up. If I hear the music from the door, I know she is awake already. When I pick her up from the crib, she will turn it off. That is kinda cute.

This is her favorite sandals. It's disney princess sandals. Almost everyday when we are at home, she will ask me to put it on for her, she will walk around with those sandals, although it's hard to walk, but she just go for it.

My baby is growing now...huhuhu....But I'm going to have another baby. So another baby to play with, meaning another baby to train again. ;p

She is not a big fan of TV, she can not stay in front of the TV for 2 seconds. But she does has her favourite TV Show, it's called Ni Hao Kai-Lan, it's for kids that wanted to learn chinesse. You can find them on Nick Jr. I made both of my kids watch them so they learn chinesse. She also likes Curious George.

Well, there are still a lot of things that needs to be done, one day at a time. I tried to switch her bottle to sippy cup. For a while it works, but then suddenly she wanted the bottle again. Last week I tried to take away all her bottle, but she refused to drink the milk in the morning and before bed. After couple day fasting from the milk, I finally gave up and give her the bottle again. She actually can do it without the bottle, after nap I usually give her sippy cup and she finish it. She just wanted the comfort laying down with bottle. We are going to try again next week.

Enjoy all her picture.

Fairground

2008-09-04T12:21:00.008-04:00

We finally made it this year to the county fairground. Jeremy was looking forward for weeks now, until we decided to go at the last day. I know he will be dissapointed if we didn't go. He has this in his mind..... In fairground we could play some games, eating cotton candy and popcorn, also riding some cool rides like roller coster, etc. He wanted so badly to have cotton candy. Believe it or not...he never has one before. ( I know....I'm a very louzy mom, but that's ok! It's good for him).

We got there and had to walk. Not very thrilled about long walk, but I was really excited about it. I told my husband that we might be able to stay the whole day until it's close. My husband and Jeremy got the unlimited ride wristband. Nicole and I just watch them play. It was a very beautiful day. Jeremy play a basket ball game and he won a prize. If you can see his face, my goodness, he was so proud of himself throwing the balls in the hoops 3 times in the row and they all got in. When the person offer him the prize, he choose a blue dolphin doll, and he loved it. He add it in to his animal's family. He named it Dolfy. Isn't it cute? ;p His face was glowing when he got that prize. It was one of his finest day.

Nicole got to enjoy walking around and got in some rides. She loves the caraousel, it was her first time, but she seems like know what to do with that. She was holding the pole really hard, she is afraid that she would fall down. I am so glad that they are having fun. Mommy is so tired. After 5 hours in the fairground, we finally gave up and wanted to go home. I can't handle the walk any longer. Well, I am carrying extra pounds in my tummy. One mistake that mommy made, I forgot to charge the battery for the camera, so some of the fun just passed like that without being documented. It was so dissapointed.

It was a blast day for our family.

Contentment

2008-08-11T08:00:00.009-04:00

Contentment is a restful and trustful acceptance, appreciation and enjoyment of God's will, work and provision at each juncture of our journey with Him.

Two weeks ago I heard this sermon about contentment. It's kinda waking me up with all my dissapointment and disatisfying of life... (well, sometimes...). I forget that despite of everything that I complain, God still is good and provide for us. As in Philipians 4:12,13 says, I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed and hungry whether living in plenty or in want.

Paul learned to be content as God taught him to do so. When we are at the stage of having is chronic discontentment, it will drive our life crazy. What is chronic discontentment can do to us? Let's see what is the definition says ... it is a persistent dissatisfaction, frustation, agitation and impatience about our lot in life.

I am totally in there. Persistent dissatisfaction ... without I realized when I complain about things I am practicing that dissatisfaction of life. I will complain about how small our apartment is for the (will be) 5 of us. I will complain about how no one help me during the hard time when I needed. I will get frustation knowing that I will not get help all the time, like to have a maid or a sitter ( for those who is in Indonesia, I envy you sometimes!). The more I complain the more I get frustrated. It will drag me to a further negative thought and being depressed and starting to get impatience wanted to fast forward my life and see what happen next. Isn't it sad when you can't really enjoy your life?.

Well, after thinking for couple days, I think I starting to realized that I can make my life easier by doing the right things. To have that Chronic discontentment is a symptom of serious spiritual problems. I don't like that. I just wanted to be close to my God and have a satisfying in my life.

Here are the symptom of chronic discontentment just in case you need it to screen yourself :

- Fear and mistrust

- Pride

-Misplaced values and priorities

-Comparisons, greed, jealousy and envy

-Unresolved disappointments and unhealed personal pain

Being content can be learned. If we go to Philippians 4:11-13 --- I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed of hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.

Contentment can be developed when we have the right attitude, such as :

- Consistently count our blessings

- Replace grumbling with gratitude

- Deal quickly with disappointments

- Manage dreams and expectations --- make sure they are realistic

- Develop and live in a spirit of worship

- Trust God's love and power

Hebrew 13:5 --- Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, " Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you".

I can just keep going on and on about things that dissatifying in my life. But I choose not to continue put all that list in my life. I wanted to have a freedom of being discontent and starting a new perspective of life. I hope you can do the same too and I will pray that each of us can have the breakthrough in our life being content to what we have.

Have a great day...!!

taken from the sermon at the church of redeemer by pastor Dale O'shields

Park

2008-08-10T19:25:00.005-04:00

After couple weeks of staying home, we finally decided to go to the park today. The weather was so nice. Considering it's summer, it was a really cool and breeze. The kids having fun in the park. Nicole starting to enjoy her time in the park. She walk more stable so she is able to walk around and do whatever she wanted to do. It was fun for us as a family to watch the kids play and also play with them. Time goes so fast, they are growing so fast.

Nicole trying to walk on the brigde that can move. She was a little scare. Jeremy was helping her , he make sure she doesn't fall down. They really had a great time in the park. We used to go to the park a lot during summer time, just to worn them out and get really tired. So there is none energy left at home. But guess what? They just have tons of energy that I have no idea where that come from. I wish I could have just 30% of it.

It's time to go.... summer is over soon. We still have 2 weeks to relax and have fun. After that Jeremy has to go to school. I'm glad they are having so much fun. Kids just love play outside. It seems like never enough for them to play in the playground.

Sonogram

2008-08-10T17:24:00.003-04:00

Last Friday I went in for my 3rd sonogram. They don't usually do as much as it is, but since I have the fibroids they kinda wanted to watch closer just to make sure the fibroids doesn't getting bigger.

The sonogram went well. One of the fibroids already shrink and they can't even see it. Another one shrunk really tiny. Thank God everything went well and I don't have to go back until another 8 weeks and they are going to do the 4D sonogram. I can't wait for it. It will be exciting to be able to see her clearly.

Here is some cute picture that the doctor print it out for me. She said hi to her mommy. Look at her hand, you can actually count her fingers. They are 5. ;p

I can't wait to be able to see her in the next couple months. Still have to think about her name. It's getting closer and we have no clue what to name her. ;p

Midnite cry !!!

2008-08-10T01:11:00.002-04:00

Sudah beberapa malam ini Nicole nangis terus tengah malam. Ampun deh....rasanya emang kalau punya anak itu nggak bakalan bisa tidur nyenyak sepanjang masa. Biasanya Jeremy yg nangis gara2 mimpi buruk. Dia sempat kena yang namanya night terror sejak umur 3 thn. Katanya bisa get better pas umur 5-6 thn. Emang sih getting better, but still, skrg jd nightmare. Parah deh. Dah berapa malam ini Jeremy did great. Nggak mimpi2 buruk lagi. Eh malah gantian si Nicole.

Hari pertama, begitu nangis digendong trus dibawa masuk ke kamar kita. Eh, malah mau main. Begitu dibawa langsung ketawa-ketawa, gua jadi tau, ternyata dia nggak apa2, cuma mau minta pindah aja. Buktinya begitu dibawa lsg segar bugar gitu. Hari kedua, masih dibawa lagi sampai bolak balik 4 kali. Sampai akhirnya gua putusin buat biarinin dia nangis aja. Dia tuh udah dari sejak 5 bulan udah sleep through the night dan nggak pernah lagi dikasih susu pas tengah malam. Jadi nggak mungkin donk gua balik lagi ke masa2 infant. Ogah banget, secara beberapa bulan lg gua bakalan punya newborn, so boleh dunk sekarang tidur nyenyak tengah malam. Gua gimana nggak sleep deprive kalau gitu terus.

Hari ketiga, dah nggak ada lagi deh pindah memindah. Yang ada gua samperin, gua gendong bentar, gua suruh tenang, dan gua taruh lagi. Dia sih dah kasih sign suruh gua jalan ke kamar gue. Tidak ada lagi deh migrasi ke kamar gua. Secara gua n suami dah sepakat bahwa nggak mau anak2 tidur bareng. Kecuali sekali2 kalau lagi sakit or lagi weekend semua ngumpul bareng. Other than that, kita nggak mau jadikan habit. Kasian donk mami papi kan perlu intimacy and ngobrol2. hehehe......

Jadi skrg ini tiap malam gua dengerin dia nangis sampe gua nya ketiduran. Dia nya jg akhirnya sadar nggak diladenin ya udah dia tidur juga, kan cape nangis terus. Mana anak itu drama queen, jd kalau nangis kaya disakitin gitu, pdahal nggak ada apa2. Tadinya sempat kepikiran mungkin dia mau tumbuh gigi grahamnya, gua olesin orajel diseluruh gusinya, yg ada dia kelabakan ada rasa2 aneh dimulutnya. Dari dia 4 minggu mang gua sudah melatih dia buat tidur sendiri. Waktu dia umur 4 minggu, gua tahanin diri dengerin dia nangis, sampe gua pikir gua tuli. hehehehe......kebiasaan dengerin dia nangis sampe 20menitan, tiba2 one day dia pas ditaruh cuma nangis 5 menit, gua bilang ma suami gua, eh coba cek si Nicole dah tidur ya? Kok tiba2 hilang suaranya. Eh beneran ternyata dia dah tidur, akhirnya sejak itu tiap ditaruh dia cuma nangis bentar trus lsg tidur sendiri. Gua jadi dah spoil bgt karena dari kecil dia dah gampang banget tidurnya. Jadi sekarang rada stess kalau dia bangun2 lagi.

Mudah2an tidak berlangsung lama, kasian Jeremy 2 minggu lagi dah mau sekolah. Kalau dah sekolahkan nggak mungkin tidurnya terganggu. Stages anak2 itu memang ada2 aja.

The Result

2008-08-10T00:28:00.002-04:00

Well....after that crazy day... the result starts to coming in. The X-Ray's result came in first. They said nothing serious, it looks like he had constipation problem. I'm like...that's impossible. He goes to bathroom every single day and its a soft stool. He never having hard time pup. The doctor said it looks like he has small stomach ache and still have a lot left over that never get out. So they gave him Miralac, to empty his stomach. I thought that was it.

The next day, on Thursday morning a phone call woke me up. I had to woke up cause I know it must be the doctor calling. They always call early in the morning. So I forced myself to get up and pick up the phone.

The doctor said..." we got the blood test result back! we found something interesting. His blood sugar is really high. He can get in to diabetes category for being that high". It was like lighting struck in my head. How that possible happened? The doctor asked if he fast before they took the blood, I said no, he's been fasting long enough and couldn't wait anymore. So I fed him poptart before they draw his blood. So that day the doctor asked me to come early so they can draw another blood with fasting. So that morning we rushed to the doctor's office. Thank so much for my friend Janneth that came over with her twins to picked me up, cause I don't have my car that day.

The test didn't take that long, but the result was so disappointing. His blood sugar still high. Although it is so much better. From 160 to 102. Still over 100. So the doctor called some of the specialist to discussed what to do next. So he has to go through diabetic screening next week. Besides that, he need to see GI specialist, to find out what cause the stomachache.

I'm so nervous and going crazy. Imagine 5 years old kid have diabetes. It will be miserable for both the kid and the parents. Even right now, they said it's pre-diabetic condition, but I have to maintain the blood sugar level. It gave me headache to think about what to feed him. Every time he asked, can I eat this, can I eat that? I have to check all the nutrition label, make sure the sugar and the calories not too high. What happen when the school start?

Please pray that it's just a temporary thing and nothing serious. I never imagine if my child is having diabetes. He ate healthy food. He doesn't even like sweet. He can't even finish a lolly pop. How that happened? Only God know what is the purpose of that. We as the parents can only pray and pleaded for healing.

Stomachache

2008-08-09T23:52:00.002-04:00

It's been two weeks that I haven't wrote anything. It's been a SUPER busy week for me. Within 2 weeks I have tons of story to tell.

After Nicole get better from her sickness... finally she can eat, play and walk around the house again... It's Jeremy's turn. My goodness....both are my kids hardly ever get sick. Around the year I can actually count how many times they get sick.

Anyway, he had VBS (Vacation Bible School ) that week. It was starting from Sunday evening through Thursday. That last day, I got a called from the teacher. It was 6.45pm, which is only 15 minutes after my husband dropped him off. I didn't get his message until 8.10pm. I was at work at that time. I tried to call my husband and wanted to know if he got him. He didn't picked him up until 8.15pm. Poor little guy.

After they got home, my husband told me that he throw up. I thought he probably ate too much watermelon before had dinner. So there was gas in his stomach. I just take it easy. The next day, he slept all day long. He threw up 5 times for the whole day. He can't even take a bite of bread. He was really miserable. He kept telling me it is hurt him so much. After a while I think its probably just a virus or Gastroenteritis. They said it can last for about 5-7 days. So I decided just to wait for the next couple days. See how he is doing.

Well, finally on Monday I took him to the doctor because there is no sign he will get better. I'm kinda confuse because his symptoms just confusing. He doesn't have fever, not throwing anymore, but he is still in pain. So I took him to the doctor. The doctor decided to run some test. Sonogram, X-ray, Upper GI, blood, urine and stool test. Just to make sure it's just a virus.

We had a long day with all the test. It took 2 hours for all the test. He had to fast, so we have to did it early in the morning. So all of us left the house at 7am. Trust me it's not fun when Nicole have to come a long. Thank God that Jeremy was cooperate and did everything by himself.

Since, I am pregnant and had Nicole with me, I wasn't been able to participate in the X-ray room.

After all done. We had lunch together with my husband. Since the lab and my husband's office kinda close. We went to the mall for lunch. I did that on purpose too cause I have to wait Jeremy to pup. I don't want to come back and forward just to drop the sample. After lunch he finally did his business. My husband dropped the sample to the lab.

On the way back, suddenly my car died on the road. My goodness......what is wrong with my day. I think I had enough. Nicole was so tired. She is been up since 6.30am and it was 1.15pm. She missed her morning nap and was so tired. I have automatic car, so when the machine died, it switch in to manual. It was scary if I have to push it to the highway. So I tried to park in the parking lot. It won't start again. I called my husband and he had to take half day off. I waited for 45 mins. We called the tow car and didn't come until 2 hours later. I am super tired. That night everyone went to bed at 8pm. I called out from work, I won't be able to make it.

What a dayyyyy.....!!!!

TO BE CONTINUED......

When I'm feeling blue

2008-07-25T21:04:00.002-04:00

Well, not really blue...lagi feeling melow aja. Don't have to work. My little one is sleeping, browsing some songs from internet. Tiba-tiba kangen sama lagu-lagu Indonesia. Trus cari-cari lagu yang enak di telinga. Lagu Dygta kayanya enak juga. Berhubung katanya sudah banyak banget band-band baru yang enak-enak, jadi bingung juga. Jadi dipasang yang tau aja. Kali buat yang lagi iseng-iseng buka blog malam-malam jadi terinspirasi buat ngeblog. hehehehe...

Kalau dah gini, kangen pengen pulang, hiks..... mana lagi ngidam makanan indo pula. Gawat deh. Hhmm yang dipikirin macem2. Mulai dari masakan manado, soto mie, sate padang, bakmi ayam di pluit, pisang goreng, dan segala macam seafood. Wah nggak selesai-selesai deh kalau diurut terus. Tapi apa daya cuma bisa memikirkannya doank. Hiks....

Kalau ada yang bisa kasih rekomen juga lagu-lagu yang lagi bagus sekarang ini. Boleh juga dikasih tau.

Have a great weekend!!

Hand Foot Mouth Disease

2008-07-25T00:20:00.002-04:00

Suddenly on Tuesday morning ? Nicole got up with a fever. I have no idea what is going wrong with her. She hardly ever had fever before. Not even fever from immunization. I though, well may be something going on in her body and will go away the next day. So I just ignored it. But then she became so cranky and drive me crazy. All she wanted is just being hold. When I put her down she will cry. That's not her. I gave her tylenol, it didn't work at all. Suddenly, her fever went up so high, about 102.5 F. It scares me. So I called the doctor and ask what should I do to help the fever down. They said I better bring her to the doctor, since the fever kinda high. So I made an appointment whatever time they have. They gave me like in 20 minutes. Thank God it is close.

I went there, she was kinda a little bit happy, I offered her cereal bar, and she took it. For half of the day, all she wanted is breakfast. She ate waffles and muffin and banana a little bit but refused to eat rice. I'm like,.... Ok I don't care as long as she eat something. So I'm glad she finished one cereal bar in the waiting room and drank half of her water from the sippy cup.

After we got called in, the drama start. Nicole is a drama queen. Her drama is always real. When the doctor check her heartbeat, she cried like it is hurt so much. Usually she never cried. Well, while she scream to her lungs, it's a good opportunity for the doctor to see her throat, and he saw some blisters forming in her throat. After some exam, the doctor said, it looks like she has Hand Foot and Mouth Disease. I'm like? What? Never heard of it before. He said it's just like a virus, since this is summer, a lot of things going on in the air. Plus since we are going to the park A LOT, that's probably where she got it from. Well, kalau di indo namanya penyakit jorok! hahahaha.....

I'm glad till today, she doesn't have any breakdown through the skin. But she still have a fever every couple hour. We just try to maintain it with either Motrin or Tylenol. Just alternate those two every 4 hours. I was preparing myself to stay up late, but I'm glad she slept well all night. She just get up super early. I guess cause she is hungry and the medicine start to worn out.

She doesn't need antibiotic. I'm glad she didn't need that. The doctor said her body can fight the virus by itself. Which is good. Her body never been touch by antibiotic yet. Thank goodness.

I have really traumatic situation once, when Jeremy was 2, he had a seizure from high fever, so I have to really watch Nicole when she has fever. They said it runs in to the family. So she might get it too, if I'm not careful. It was so scary. The worst part was, it happened in the airport on our way to US. We were in line to get in to the plane to Singapore, suddenly he had seizure in his stroller. I was so lucky that I was checking on him. When that happened, I wasn't thinking of anything I just picked him up and ran looking for a clinic, I ran like crazy, do not know where to go. We missed our plane, and catch the next one. While transit in Spore, he had to go to ER at 2am. They test him everything, but everything came out well. They said that's probably from the MMR shot he just had 2 days ago, but it shouldn't cause the fever that high. So after being admitted in the hospital for 2 hours, we have to rushed back to the hotel to catch the morning flight to US. It was a nightmare, flying with the sick kid. Trust me, I am really traumatize with that. On the plane while everyone wearing a sweater cause it's so cold, he only wear a sleveless shirt (aka. kaos singlet). Every couple hour, I brought him to the restroom to poor cold water in his body to keep him cool. He will scream...people think I'm abusing my child. I have no choice, I can't have him have another episode again on the plane. But the good thing is, when he is under the medication he slept well. It's kinda nice. Since we didn't get any sleep the whole night, the flight that took forever seems short. All the clothes that I brought all being used and dirty. He throw up again when we were in Japan. My goodness. I have to washed his clothes in the bathroom over there. The fever suddenly dissapered after 2 days we were in US. None of the pediatric knows what was happened to him. It was just a scary experience for me as a mom.

For all of you that have kids, be really carefull with the fever. Make sure you keep maintain the temperature. Bath them if neccesary. Yesterday I let Nicole stayed in the bath tub for 20 mins. When I picked her up, her body was cold. Which is good.

Batik

2008-07-22T00:38:00.002-04:00

Kemarin ada temen yg kebetulan datang ke US, so my mom titip beberapa batik. Katanya di Indo lagi musim batik. So dia beliin deh masing2 buat cucunya. ;p Cute jg sih....

Kebetulan si Jeremy mau recital, jd perlu baju rada formal. Jadi pas deh. Trus si Nicole juga punya. Jadinya sekalian di barengin pakainya.

Batik sekarang dah nggak seformal dulu lagi ya, model2nya jg dah lucu2 dan bagus2. Kalau dulu pakai batik gimana gitu. Sekarang malah bisa buat gaya. ;p

Recital

2008-07-22T00:12:00.003-04:00

After waited for Jeremy to turn 5 , we finally put him on piano lesson. He always like music. He also show interest to play another instrument. But I wanted him to be able to mastered the piano first, because I think piano is the basic for all instrument. Once he is good at piano, it will get easier to learn another instrument. He wanted to learn violin, guitar and drum. I said just take your time for piano and we'll see the next 2 year if you can take another instrument.

He made a really good progress. After only 3 months, he almost finished his book. It amazed his teacher. She offer him to use another book, so he can do two books at the same time, but I think one is enough. The problem is, it takes a lot of effort to make him practice every single day and teach him. Anyway, they had recital 2 weeks ago. He did so well. It was perfect. He memorize it, while other kids look at the book, he didn't. I was nervous, cause I afraid he will get nervous and forget about what he should play. I was wrong, he was calm and confidence. He played song called " Russian Sailor Dance".

It was his first experience and also mine as a mom. So proud of him. I can't believe that I'm at the point of take him to the school, piano lesson and all his activities. What a life.....!! It won't come back. But, I stil have 2 to go....;p

Epidural

2008-07-18T15:01:00.002-04:00

It's getting closer to the due date....well, 4 months to go, but time flies. I'm starting to think about epidural. I just told my husband last night, may be this time I will pass epidural. I don't think I'm going to need one. Why? I had bad experience with epidural both with my first and second labor. The first one I needed because I was induce. I was shocked and not prepare for it. So the doctor offered me epidural. I was agreed to had one. Since it was my first one and had a long labor, I was able to sleep and rest. Not until I was 9 cm dilated and was ready to give birth, guess what....? I had to wait for the doctor. It was Sunday that day, no doctor, my doctor was on vacation. The doctor that supposed to stay in Graha Medika, was in PIK. While I was waiting ... the nurse gave me second shot for epidural. It was horrible, one hour after they put more epidural, the doctor came and I'm ready to give birth. Yup....I can't push at all, I couldn't even feel the contraction. Isn't crazy? So they have to tell me when to push. It was horrible delivery. I don't know when to stop and start, my baby stucked for second and his head kinda in the bad shape. That's the first experience with epidural.

The second one.....

I was in long labor with the second one. I was admitted in the hospital at 1pm. Around 5pm, I'm still 4cm dilation. The nurse starting to offered me epidural, I said I'll think about it. I still can handle it. Half hour later, they warned me again, they said if you are getting close to give birth, I won't do it for you. IF you are about 6cm dilation, I won't give it to you because it's too close. After thinking for awhile, I decided to do it, because I thought ... well, if the baby born in the middle of the night, at least I still can get some sleep during the labor. It's 5pm and still 4cm. So I said, ok then, you can give me epidural. After awhile, I still can feel the contraction. I asked the doctor and they actually add the dose. I was numb up to my chest, I was scared because I feel that I couldn't breath. I hang in there, but the contraction getting stronger and stronger. About 2 hours later, I said to the nurse, I think I wanted to push. She said...no...don't push. I said, I am ready. Can you believe, I'm on epidural yet I can feel whatever is going on. The nurse didn't believe me, suddenly the doctor came in just wanted to check how I'm doing. And he said...you are ready. I'm like...yeah...that's what I've been telling the nurse, I'm ready to pushed. So they prepare everything in rush. It was like I never had epidural before.

I am wondering if anyone ever not using epidural may be you can share your experience about that. How much pain do you think it is? It's kinda tricky though, since every person has different tolerate of pain. I wanted to try may be this time go on birth without epidural. We'll see. I need to prepare myself from now. ;p

Well, another 4 months to go....I believe it will give me enough time to think about it.

Fiborids

2008-07-17T11:29:00.004-04:00

A week ago I went in to my doctor for another sonogram, they wanted to do 2nd trimester screening. I am also so excited cause I'm hoping to see the sex of my baby. My husband came with me, he is so curious what we are having. He can't wait, so he wanted to come with me. The good news is, we are having a GIRL again....yey....that's what we wanted to. So exciting !! After couple minutes of looking around, the doctor said....do you have fibroids? I'm like....what? What's that? Never heard of it before. I said, I don't think so. Then she said, sometimes it could be genetic. Do you know if your mom has it? Again, I have no idea. Finally she said, well you have 2 fibroids, but it's not too big. I don't think I like that. They said it can grow. Until certain size you can do surgery, but right now they want to make sure it's not growing.

Fibroids is not dangerous. It's like a tumor, but benign. It's kinda relief for me to hear that.

I said, I had a lot of cramping lately, my lower back hurts, and on Sunday I had pressure under my belly, it was so hard, I thought I'm in labour. But then she said, that's probably why. Cause you have fibroids. It gives you the pain.

Thank God, that the Fibroids didn't effecting the baby. The fibroids stay in front of the wall of my uterus. They wanted to do sonogram every month just to make sure, it doesn't grow. The baby is growing healthy and all the measurement are just perfect and she is in the good size for 20 weeks.

I just keep praying for the baby. I pray that the fibroids will go away and the baby stay healthy. Sometimes I feel so guilty....I didn't know the first two months I was pregnant, I keep drinking coffee a lot, just to keep me awake. Sometimes it makes me scare. BUT I believe that God is in control, He will taking care what He suppose to do.

Now, I just can't help myself to keep looking for the name. It's so harddddddd!!!

Lemonade

2008-07-06T21:42:00.004-04:00

Two mornings ago, Jeremy got up and said, Mommy let's get ready and we are going to the groceries store to buy some lemons. I'm like.......what is it for? He said, I wanted to sell lemonade. I asked him, where are you going to sell? He said let's go to the city and sell it over there. My goodness, what another day with crazy idea. He so excited about his idea, he took a shower and had breakfast and keep pushing me to get ready. So, I finally said ok, let's go. After thinking for a little bit...I said, let's sell it in our swimming pool. He agreed with that. I went to the management and ask their permission. They were ok about it.

We went to the groceries store, bought some lemons, (since I work at a restaurant and they sell lemonade, I know how to make a really good one!). We went to Target for lunch and bought some diapers and wipes for Nicole and went home.

As soon as we got home, I made the lemonade and put Nicole down for her nap. After she fall asleep, Jeremy and I went down to the swimming pool to sell the lemonade. Beyond my imagination.....a lot of people like it, and it all sold out. I can see Jeremy's face was glowing and he is so happy. I am so proud of him. Within 10 minutes, everything was gone. He earn $4. We sell the lemonade for .25 per cup. It was a great day for him and I am glad that I can help him do whatever he wanted to do. He is so proud of himself. He asked me if this is called a job. I said yes. He said, can you call dad and tell him I have a job? Hahahaha........that's so cute.

I asked him what he wanted to do with the money, he said he wanted to buy a bible. It makes my heart melt. Thank God that he still can remember what is important.

What a day....!!!

My little girl

2008-06-21T01:19:00.002-04:00

Having two is hard enough. I feel bad if I only talking about the oldest one without remembering another one. My little girl, Nicole, is now 15 months old....my gosh, where is the time goes? She is a great blessing. I just love to see her every morning. She always has this big smile for me. She also a disaster, since she start walking, her favorite place is toilet. If I forgot to close my bathroom's door, guess what, in 5 second you can hear someone playing with the toilet water and you can see toys in there....and she will try to flush them. She also loves dishwasher, as soon as she hears someone open the dishwasher, she will rush to there, and start playing with all the utensils inside of it. Sometimes it is yucky! BUT....she is a big help to. One of Jeremy's chores is unload the dishwasher. She will help him by passing all the spoon, fork and small stuff. She loves doing that. They are already a team in unloading a dishwasher. FUN!! but something Jeremy yelled at her because she over helped! It is so funny to see them both. I always love watching them.

New stuff that she can do now is bringing her own diaper to put in the diaper pail. This morning I took off her diaper, because it's already full. I gave it to her and asked her to put it in the pail. So she took it and put in there. That's so cute. She is always brightten up my days. She is such a sweet baby. She also a really easy baby to take care. She doesn't cry a lot... BUT... she screams. My goodness, at one point I think I will put chili in her mouth so she stops screaming.

I can't wait until she can do new thing. Jeremy always told me that he can't wait until his sister can talk. ;p That will be a big disaster. I'm going to have another non-stop talker in the house.
I just enjoy my time with them.

Voicemail

2008-06-21T01:13:00.003-04:00

About couple months ago, Jeremy starting to learn how to use a phone. He tried to remember my cellphone and his dad's cellphone number. Since then, he always call one of us whenever we are out. Sometimes I only get out for 2 second, by the time I get down and start my car, I already get a call from him. After know how to use a phone, he started to know about leaving message. Before that, he keep asking if he leave a message mom and dad can actually listen to it. I said yes. So now every single night, when I'm at work I always got a voicemail in my cellphone from him. Either he is reporting what is going on in the house or he will tell me that he loves me. He will ask "mommy when are you coming home? When you come home can you give me a big kiss and hug?" or " Can I sleep in your bedroom tonight? if not can you sleep in my bedroom?" or " I missed you" or " I'm sorry that I made you sad this morning". Those are really sweet message. I always smile or something almost cry when I listen to it. It boost my energy when I listen to his messages. It's such a great blessing....!

My son is growing

2008-05-30T01:23:00.002-04:00

Last week, after I decided to put Jeremy at Chinesse Immersion School, they have orientation for kindergarten. That day, when we walked in the hall for registration, they gave Jeremy a name tag and take their picture with the name tag. I almost cry.....my baby is not a baby anymore. He is going to school soon. In 3 months he'll be at school all day.

It was a great battle for me. I was struggling a lot letting him go. As a mom I think I need to learn to let go my kids step by step. I know that time will coming. Altough it is hard I have to face it. ;p

I believe that God has His own purpose by placing him in that school. I hope he will do great at that school.

Fun Day in Philly

2008-05-30T00:50:00.002-04:00

This is the second day of our stay in Philadelphia. We start our day by visiting Please Touch Museum. I really recommend this place for family that have young kids. This place is awesome. They can pretend whatever they want to be. Bus driver, construction worker, playing in Alice wonderland world, etc. They also have an area for babies, called barnyard babies. The babies can pretand plant some vegetables, also, there are a lot of animal's sounds. In Indonesia we have this place called Kidzania. Kidzania is more real and cool. But still, the kids will having so much fun in Please Touch. Jeremy and Nicole had a blast. Jeremy wanted to go back again so badly.

After that we went to National Constitution Center and The Bell. It was so great to learn about American History. The way they did the presentation was fantastic. I was so impressed! I wondering when our country actually realize how important it is to preserve their history and share it to the younger generation. On the second level they have the whole area where they tells us about their constitution article by article. Very informative.

It was a long day for us, well, specially for me. We walked around the downtown the whole afternoon. So tired, but worth it. The kids just enjoying the time we were together. Which is really great.

Dinner time is coming...guess where we go...? Yes, Indonesian food again....we went back to Indonesian restaurant. We order a lot of food again. That day they served pempek ( my gosh...you have no idea how happy I was!). I ordered Es Campur....yyyuuummmmyyyy......and again we ate gurame bakar, mie goreng jawa, kangkung terasi, and sate ayam. We definately satisfied....!

Time to go back to hotel and get some rest. It was a blast day. That day we were able to be together the whole time was priceless. We enjoyed it so much. We hope that we could do that again. Hopefully soon!!

Finally we get out!

2008-05-24T21:55:00.002-04:00

Today the sky looks so beautiful. All I can see is blue with the white clouds spreading perfectly. It looks like someone actually draw that. It was a perfect day for a vacation. We finally decided to go to Philadelphia for couple days. The kids are having so much fun. Jeremy is very excited knowing that we are staying in the hotel. He said he wanted to stay for 100 days. ( I wish someone want to pay for that!) Thanks to Stanny that help us a lot to get a stay in Marriot.

We didn't do much today. We went to satisfied our craving for Indo food. Trust me, people will think we are crazy family. We ordered the food in panic mode! You name it.... Kangkung terasi, ikan goreng gurame (ala US), nasi cap cai, tahu telor, ayam panggang kalasan kecap. Hahaha....it's only the two of us that actually eat all the food. It was SO worth it...! Suddenly my nausea is gone. Haha..... We also visited some of Indonesian store that we couldn't find one in Maryland. Guess what we bought? Yes, a box of Indomie, a box of teh Sosro, srikaya.... I think again...I'm in my panic mode. Barang langka soalnya! hahaha......misses home so much.

This is the most relaxing day after all. We strolled to the Philly's down town just to enjoy the crowd. We stopped by at Rita's Ice cream. What a beautiful day. I don't have to think about what to eat today, no worries about cleaning, don't have to rush to work. Be able to get out from the routine is so nice. I hope we can do this again!!!

After we came back from all the places, we went down to the swimming pool. The 4 of us just enjoying the water in the hot day. It was so fun! I'm so glad all my kids are finally fall asleep and looking forward for what to do tomorrow. Hope we have a great day tomorrow!

Yey......!!!!

Long time ago friend

2008-05-22T01:33:00.002-04:00

Two weeks ago, on mother's day...in the morning I've got a message from my friend. She is a friend from college. We haven't see each other for a loooooong time. I was surprised when I got her called. She said she is in the area and wondering if we can meet. I'm so excited.

So that afternoon, I drove to Washington DC. It was raining all day, nothing much we can do, we end up hang around in the Mariott hotel and having a dinner. We talked for hours. My gosh....trust me if the next day is holiday, we could end up staying up all night.

It was so fun. I'm so glad she called. We had a fantastic time catching up a lot of junks! ;p
She is so different now. Well, she always very mature, but since she just having a baby, she looks more mature than she used to be. Having baby is always life changing.

I got home at midnight. I'm glad we got a chance to meet. Hope to see you again friend.
I think we've been friend about 10 years now. How fast time goes. Unbelievable.

Use your time wisely so you never regret it.

It's hard to decide

2008-05-22T01:10:00.004-04:00

It's been second night this week I sleep past midnite. My nausea still bothering me. It's killing me. But what can I do. I have to bear with all of this. Hopefully it will pass soon!

This past week was a very busy week. A lot of decisions to make. Gosh, life is so complicated. Never thought that deciding what is the best education for my son is so hard. For once I thought I'm 100% wanted to homeschool him, I'm still now,...it's just when I heard about immersion school, I'm kinda want to try that. It's a huge benefit for him to be able to speak another language. I said to my husband, since it's a lottery he might not get in, why don't we just try and see if he get in or not. In this county, the chinesse immersion program, we only have 2 schools. They only take 25 kids per school. so they are doing the lottery system.

After waiting for a while, I thought...well, he is probably not get in. I was about to fill up the homeschool application, ....until the next day when my husband came home and said....good news, Jeremy got accepted. I'm like......WHAT? that's unbelivable. He got number 24 out of 25. How lucky he is. Well, may be he is not lucky, it's just the way God has plan for him. I'm still struggle making decision. Finally today I called the school to re-enroll him and have the orientation on Friday. I can't believe I will be missing my boy for almost all day. It's hard to let him go.

I said to him, are you sure you wanted go to reguler school? He said...mom let's try it first, if I don't like it then we do homeschool. He always has this positive thinking and encouraging word to say. I said, well I'm gonna missed you. He said, you still have Nicole and soon the baby. Hahahaha....Yeah, I still have two at home. Still a lot of work to do. But having him at home is another joyous moment for me. It's still different without him.

Anyway, I hope we are making the right decision by putting him at that school. He just too smart to do kindergarten, another reason why I wanted to homeschool him, he is way too advanced for kindergarten. I'm worry he will get bored in the class coz he has to start learning everything all over again.

I believe that God is the one in control and He knows what's the best for my son. I just have to follow my heart and trust Him. It's not easy being parents yet it's an honor being parents.

I can't sleep

2008-05-11T03:10:00.000-04:00

It's 3.10am, and my brain keep thinking about a lot of things. I think the main reason is because I'm nausea and not feeling really well. So I thought, well, rather than I just thinking about something, I better fulfill my desire to write a blog. Which is something that I wanted to do so badly, but I just have no time.

I'm 11 weeks pregnant. Some of my friends asked me to blog my pregnancy. I guess some people just love to read about pregnancy's experience, which I think it's funny because, it's actually yucky. Specially the first trisemester. Well, maybe for the first time mom it's very exciting, I can understand that. But for me the 4th pregnancy, .... not so much. Although I love baby so much. I'll do my best to write whatever I can share about my pregnancy. Also, I will try to write whatever in my mind. I bet it's a lot.

Tomorrow is my husband birthday and also mother's day. I feel bad because this time I didn't even get him a card. I never failed at that. This time I just couldn't help it. I'm just not feeling well for the last couple of weeks. He is ok though. We plan to celebrate it tomorrow with some friends at a steakhouse ... yum... I've been craving for a steak about a week now. Yey....we are going to get some.

I always enjoyed reading people's blog, eventhough it's just telling their story about what is going on in their life that day, I think it's fun. ;p Maybe someone else will find the same way too reading my story. How fun!!!

Anyway, I better try to go back to sleep. I have 2 kids to take care in the morning. I better get some sleep.

I hope you all have a nice weekend.

Adios!!